- [Meatwad has etched a note into the side of Carl's house]
- Meatwad: [narrating] Dear Carl: Thank you in advance for feeding my dolls while we out in Panama City, scaring up venture capital money for my stand-up comedy tour "Meatwad Unplugged: No Buns Allowed." And also... we also getting a tan. Now remember, Dewey and Vanessa won't eat anything but chicken chow-mein noodles, and you know Boxy. He'll eat anything as long as it's deep-fried. They need to be walked twice a day, and be sure to pick up their doll droppings, you get a fine from the city. Thanks again. Sorry about the house, big guy. Sincerely, Meatwad.
- Carl: Alright... what the f**k does this say?
- Carl: Heh heh heh HEYYYYYYYY! Guess who this is?
- Donna Bryson: [drowsily] H... hello?
- Carl: Haha, that's what your mom said. BEFORE I SHAVED HER BACK! Hahahhaaaa... yeah... no, actually, I did talk to your mom, and she said to call you.
- Donna Bryson: Oh... okay, well... do you know what time it is?
- Carl: Yeah, I keep the blinds closed, so it's kinda disorienting. But you know, I don't want the government in my business.
- Donna Bryson: It's two in the morning.
- Carl: Awww, it's my bedtime! C'mon, what happened to the Donna I remember? The one who KNEW how to party BACK IN '81?...
- Donna Bryson: ...oh... yeah... you're... that guy... with...
- Carl: [desperately] Oh, come on... it's Carl! Class of '81!
- Donna Bryson: Oh... okay...
- Carl: Well, I wasn't there for long. That place was a scam! I left it in the dust. But enough about me, Donna... you, uh, still got that cleavage?...
- [lovingly strokes her breasts on the yearbook page]
- Carl: Heh heh heh heh... still, uh, SMUGGLING, UH, BALLOONS?... WHEREVER YOU GO?... heh heh heh heh... Where are you now?
- Carl: [click, dial tone] Hello?...
- [long, uncomfortable pause as he glances nervously down at Meatwad's dolls]
- Carl: Yeah, well, uh, maybe you shouldn't, uh, BOOTY CALL ME when I've got guests here! Ohhhh, God, she is so horny for me. Alright, that's the last of the W's. There's a "Z" left but, ugh, got that unibrow... eh, screw it, look up Zambrano. Normally I wouldn't do a fat chick from the flag corps, but uh... IT IS A NEW ERA! Heh heh heh heh...
- [softly]
- Carl: ...of loneliness...
- [weakly]
- Carl: ...Oh, God.
- [Carl opens his door to accept Chinese takeout, but he throws a bucket of piss out first]
- Carl: 'Scuse me.
- Delivery Man: It's, uh, $7.92.
- Carl: Yeah, here's eight dollars and, uh, keep it.
- Delivery Man: All of it? I don't know if the bank will take all of this.
- Carl: Hey, man, the night's young! Knock off for a bit. Let's party!
- Delivery Man: Oh, no thanks. This is gonna take me all night to count.
- [runs back to car]
- Carl: Hey, don't be so uptight, man. I got a pool in the back, I got beer on ice and, uh...
- [the delivery guy has driven away]
- Carl: I'M CALLING YOUR SUPERVISOR ASSHOLE!
- [after Rudy shoots Carl with lasers]
- Rudy: HE WAS ROBBING YOU! WAS HE TRYING TO ROB YOU?
- Frylock: NO, RUDY! He wasn't trying to rob us.
- [Meatwad decides to pull a fast one on Shake; he mimes reaching into his non-existent back pocket]
- Meatwad: Where is my wall--
- [points to Master Shake]
- Meatwad: He took my wallet!
- Master Shake: I got the what now?
- [Rudy shoots Shake with lasers]
- Master Shake: AAAHH!
- [Carl is getting intimate with a couch cushion while on the phone with a sex hotline]
- Sex Hotline Voice: Every minute will cost $10 after the first thirty minutes.
- Carl: [stops writhing] $10?
- [phone beeps]
- Carl: No! I will not accept charges. Lemme... take this to the office.
- [Carl is now over at the Aqua Teen's house using their phone]
- Sex Hotline Voice: Every minute will cost $10 after the first thirty minutes.
- [phone beeps]
- Carl: Yeah, hell yeah! I'll accept charges.
- [Frylock and Meatwad are leaving Shake in the hotel room to go pick up girls]
- Frylock: Lemme just tell you this. If I meet me one... and I get my groove on, you just might be sleeping outside because I'm getting the bed!
- [Shakes pushes the bed out the door where it lands on Meatwad who has been dancing outside]
- Meatwad: OW!
- Master Shake: [proudly] There. Go get the bed.
- [after Carl first sees the scribblings etched into his garage, he gets a phone call]
- Carl: [angry] What?
- Meatwad: Did you find my note?
- Carl: [feigning calmness] Oh, was that you, yeah? Thanks for etching it into the side of my house.
- Meatwad: Is you mad? You ain't mad, are ya?
- Carl: Yeah, while we're talking here, you wanna tell me what it frickin' says?
- Meatwad: What what says?
- Carl: The note.
- Meatwad: What note?
- Carl: The one on the side of my house!
- Meatwad: Oh, that yeah, well... I don't remember.
- Carl: Of course.
- Master Shake: Will you hang up the friggin' --
- [phone call ends]
- Carl: [looks down at Meatwad's dolls] Hey, you guys must be seriously thirsty.
- [pours a can of gasoline on them]
- Carl: Hey, open up. Drink up there.
- [lights match, tosses it on dolls which burst into flames]
- Carl: Oh, shoot! Did I do that? Here... lemme put you out.
- [unzips fly and urinates on them; laughing maniacally]
- Carl: In Your Face!