- Buffy Summers: Hi, Oz!
- Oz: Hi.
- Buffy Summers: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
- Oz: But you're not a rat... so call it an upside.
- Cordelia Chase: Do you know what you are, Harmony? You're a sheep.
- Harmony Kendall: I'm not a sheep.
- Cordelia Chase: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does, just so you can say you did it first. And here I am scrambling for *your* approval, when I'm *way* cooler than you are 'cause I'm *not* a sheep. I do what I wanna do and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.
- Xander Harris: Amy. Good to see you. You're a witch.
- Amy Madison: No, I'm not. That-that was my mom, remember?
- Xander Harris: Yeah. I'm thinkin' it runs in the family. I saw you working that mojo on Miss Beakman. Maybe I should go tell somebody.
- Amy Madison: Wha... That's not even... That is so mean!
- Xander Harris: Blackmail is such an ugly word.
- Amy Madison: I didn't say blackmail.
- Xander Harris: Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it up.
- Rupert Giles: I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like this.
- Xander Harris: Oh, no. I'm twice the fool it takes to do somethin' like this.
- Drusilla: Your face is a poem. I can read it.
- Xander Harris: Really? It doesn't say "spare me" by any chance?
- Drusilla: Shhh... How do you feel about eternal life?
- Xander Harris: We couldn't just start with a coffee? A movie, maybe?
- Amy: Are you guys going to the Valentine's Day dance at the Bronze? I think it's gonna be a lot of fun.
- Buffy Summers: [to Willow] Go ahead, you know you wanna say it.
- Willow Rosenberg: [to Amy] My boyfriend's in the band.
- [last lines]
- Cordelia Chase: Oh, God. What have I done? They're never gonna speak to me again.
- Xander Harris: Oh, sure they are. If it helps, when we're around them, you and I can fight a lot.
- Cordelia Chase: You promise?
- Xander Harris: You can pretty much count on it.
- [first lines]
- Xander Harris: So what do you think?
- Buffy Summers: It's nice.
- Xander Harris: But do you think Cordelia will like it?
- Buffy Summers: I don't know. Does she know what one of these is?
- Xander Harris: [laughs] Okay, big yacks. When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia?
- Buffy Summers: I'm sorry. But never.
- Rupert Giles: Oh, here's another. Here.
- [reading]
- Rupert Giles: "Valentine's Day." Yes, um, "Angel nails a puppy to the..."
- Buffy Summers: Skip it.
- Rupert Giles: Ye- but...
- Buffy Summers: I don't wanna know. I don't have a puppy. Skip it.
- Xander Harris: I wish dating was like slaying, you know. Simple, direct, stake through the heart, no muss, no fuss.
- Xander Harris: [laughs] This time I'm ready for ya. No F for Xander today. No, this baby's my ticket to a sweet D minus.
- Willow Rosenberg: [after popping up in his bed behind him] Sorry. I wanted to surprise you.
- Xander Harris: [nervously] Good job.
- [chuckles]
- Xander Harris: High marks.
- Willow Rosenberg: Don't be so jumpy. I've been in your bed before.
- Xander Harris: Yeah, but, Will, we were both in footie pajamas.
- Xander Harris: Well, this is new territory for me. I mean, my Valentines are usually met with heartfelt restraining orders.
- Harmony Kendall: You make me sick!
- Cordelia Chase: Okay, Harmony, if you need to borrow my Midol, just ask.