- Willow Rosenberg: Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life.
- Buffy Summers: Good for you.
- Willow Rosenberg: Well, I didn't choose yet.
- Buffy Summers: I better stop him before he gets in trouble.
- Willow Rosenberg: I got it. The non-violent approach is probably better here.
- [leaves]
- Buffy Summers: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I?
- Xander Harris: The important thing is... *you* believe that.
- Devon MacLeish: What does a girl have to do to impress you?
- Oz: Well, it involves a feather boa and the theme to A Summer Place. I can't discuss it here.
- Willow Rosenberg: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke.
- Xander Harris: For twenty-one hours?
- Willow Rosenberg: It's addictive, you know.
- Rupert Giles: We'll deal with that when we've ruled out evil curses.
- Buffy Summers: One day I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out without even saying.
- Willow Rosenberg: His parents say he never came home last night.
- Buffy Summers: Y'know, I don't think I remember seeing Rodney on the bus back from the field trip.
- Willow Rosenberg: I didn't either. I hope he didn't get in trouble at the museum.
- Xander Harris: [chuckles] Hey, maybe he awakened the mummy.
- Willow Rosenberg: [giggles] Right, and it rose from its tomb.
- Buffy Summers: [smiles] And attacked him.
- [their smiles fade as they all realize that it may not be so far-fetched]
- [last lines]
- Xander Harris: I just, present company excluded, I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world. *Ever*.
- Buffy Summers: Ampata wasn't evil. At least not to begin with. And I-I do think she cared about you.
- Xander Harris: Yeah, but I think that whole "sucking the life out of people" thing would have been a strain on the relationship.
- Buffy Summers: She was gypped. She was just a girl and she had her life taken away from her. I remember how I felt when I heard the Prophecy that I was gonna die. I wasn't exactly obsessed with doing the right thing.
- Xander Harris: Yeah, but you did. You gave up your life.
- Buffy Summers: I had you to bring me back.
- [another student is scraping at a relic in the Cultural Exchange Exhibit museum]
- Buffy Summers: What's he doing?
- Xander Harris: Uh, that's Rodney Munson. He's God's gift to the bell curve. What he lacks in smarts, he makes up in lack of smarts.
- Willow Rosenberg: You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years.
- Xander Harris: Yeah. I'm irrational that way.
- [Ampata comes downstairs]
- Ampata: Hello, Xander.
- [Xander says incoherent babble]
- Buffy Summers: I can translate American salivating boy-talk. He says you're beautiful.
- [Xander babbles to Buffy]
- Buffy Summers: You're welcome.
- Buffy Summers: So, can I go?
- Rupert Giles: I think not.
- Buffy Summers: How come?
- Rupert Giles: Because you are the Chosen One.
- Buffy Summers: Mm, just this once, I'd like to be the Overlooked One.
- Rupert Giles: Well, um, I'm afraid that is not an option. You have responsibilities that other girls do not.
- Buffy Summers: Oh! I know this one! "Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bitty blah. I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone."
- Rupert Giles: It's as if you know me... Your secret identity is gonna be difficult enough to maintain while this exchange student is living with you.
- [Xander gets up and separates them]
- Xander Harris: Not... *with* her. In the same house as her. Am I the only one who's objective enough to make that distinction?
- Buffy Summers: So, I think going to the dance like a normal person would be the best way to keep that secret. Giles, come on. Budge! No one likes a non-budger.
- Xander Harris: Your English is very bueno.
- Ampata: I listen much.
- Xander Harris: Well, that works out well because I talk much.
- [first lines]
- Buffy Summers: This is *so* unfair.
- Willow Rosenberg: I don't think it's that bad.
- Buffy Summers: It's the Über-suck. Mom could have at least warned me.
- Xander Harris: Well, a lot of parents are doing it this year. It's part of this whole cultural exchange magillah. The exhibit. The dance...
- Willow Rosenberg: I have the best costume for the dance!
- Buffy Summers: A complete stranger in my house for two weeks. I'm gonna be insane! A danger to myself and others within three days, I swear.
- Xander Harris: I think the exchange-student program's cool. I do! It's a beautiful melding of two cultures.
- Buffy Summers: Have you ever done an exchange program?
- Xander Harris: My dad tried to sell me to some Armenians once. Does that count?
- Museum Guide: Five hundred years ago, the Incan people chose a beautiful teenage girl to become their princess.
- Willow Rosenberg: I hope this story ends with, "And she lived happily ever after."
- Xander Harris: [looks into the coffin] No, I think it ends with, "And she became a scary, discolored, shriveled mummy."
- Xander Harris: Okay. I have something to tell you. And it's kind of a secret and it's, um, a little bit scary. I like you... a lot. And I want you to go with me the dance.
- Ampata: [laughs] Why was that so scary?
- Xander Harris: Well, because you never know if a girl's gonna say yes, or if... she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still-beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.
- Ampata: Hmm. Then you are very courageous.
- [Ampata is dancing silently with Xander when she sees her hand reverting to a mummy, and runs away]
- Xander Harris: [bewildered] Okay. At least I can rule out something I said.
- Xander Harris: There you are. Why'd you run away?
- Ampata: Because... I do not deserve you.
- Xander Harris: What... you think that *you* don't deserve *me*?
- [laughs]
- Xander Harris: Man, I love you!
- [She begins to weep]
- Xander Harris: Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion?
- Ampata: I am very happy. And very sad.
- Xander Harris: Then talk to me. Let me know what's wrong.
- Ampata: I can't!
- [She hugs him and cries into his shoulder]
- Xander Harris: Hey, I know why you can't tell me. It's a secret, right? And if you told me, you'd have to kill me.
- [Ampata hugs him again, crying even harder]
- Xander Harris: Oh! That was a... bad joke. And the delivery was off, too. I'm sorry.
- Xander Harris: Oh yeah. Fall for the old "Let me translate that ancient seal for you" come-on. Do you know how many times I've used that?
- Xander Harris: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? 'Cause I don't know anything much besides "Doritos" and "Chihuahua."
- [Cordelia is dressed in a sexy Hawaiian two piece costume]
- Cordelia Chase: [to Willow] Ooh! Near faux pas! I almost wore the same thing.
- [pan to show Willow in an Eskimo costume]
- Buffy Summers: His name's Ampata. He'll be at the bus station tomorrow night.
- Xander Harris: Oooh! The Sunnydale bus depot. Classy! What a better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine.
- Xander Harris: We're in the Crime Club, which is kind of like the Chess Club, only with crime, and, um... no chess.
- Buffy Summers: Come on! Can't you put your foot down?
- Rupert Giles: It *is* down.
- Buffy Summers: One of these days you're gonna have to get a grown-up car.
- Rupert Giles: It's definitely all boys' clothes. Why would a girl pack these?
- Buffy Summers: How about this one? What kind of girl travels with a mummified corpse... and doesn't even pack lipstick?
- Xander Harris: [to Buffy] Hold on a sec. So this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man? With man parts? This is a terrible idea.
- Willow Rosenberg: [to Xander] Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot?
- [oops!]
- Willow Rosenberg: That came out wrong.