- Diane Chambers: [about naming their child] What's wrong with Emile?
- Sam Malone: Emile is something you eat, not something you name your kid.
- Norm Peterson: [Frasier walks in carrying a small box] Hey, Fras, thought you'd be out on the links by now.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It would be exceedingly difficult to tee off with this.
- Cliff Clavin: What's that, Fras?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: This is my extra-special gift from Lilith.
- [Frasier dumps the contents on to the bar]
- Carla Tortelli: It's a tie.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, and I hate it, it's ugly.
- [Frasier grabs a fork and starts stabbing it]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's just a tie. An ordinary gray tie. I wanted golf clubs! It's not special! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
- [Frasier throws the tie on the floor, stomps on it and then walks off]
- Norm Peterson: Glad she didn't give him a puppy.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Next week marks the anniversary my beloved Lilith and I first met. As a show of my affection, I bought her a Louis Quatorze armoire at a little antique shop I saw on the Hill today. It set me back quite a penny, but you know when you're trying to express your affection for your mate, old wood says it best.
- Woody Boyd: What do I say?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I was talking about the armoire.
- Woody Boyd: I never say that, I don't even know what an armoire is.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's a large chest.
- Woody Boyd: Hey, what woman wouldn't want that?
- Woody Boyd: Sam, beer distributor on the phone.
- Sam Malone: Tell him I'll call back.
- Norm Peterson: Sammy? Hey? Hey? Where are your priorities? Come on.
- [Sam gets up]
- Sam Malone: I mean, look at Diane and me. We waited five years to get married, and if it were up to me we'd wait another five.
- Sam Malone: You know, there are hundreds of good, solid reasons why you two should not get married.
- Joyce Pantusso, Coach's Niece: Like?
- Sam Malone: Like... Like I forbid you to, young lady.
- Joyce Pantusso, Coach's Niece: Wait, you can't forbid me. You're not my father.
- Sam Malone: All right, all right. Woody, I forbid you to marry Joyce.
- Woody Boyd: Sam, you're only my boss.
- Sam Malone: Damn it, I'm gonna forbid somebody somethin', I'll tell ya.
- [Norm gets up]
- Sam Malone: Norm, I forbid you to leave that stool.
- Norm Peterson: Sorry, Sam, nature calls.
- Sam Malone: Hey, hey! You go and you're cut off.
- Norm Peterson: Whatever you say, Pop.
- [Norm sits back down]
- Joyce Pantusso, Coach's Niece: That was my mom's idea, I decided I'm not going to college.
- Diane Chambers: [Looks aghast] Not... not going to college? Oh no, no, no, no no, no, no... oh, you must listen to me. You... you have your whole life ahead of you, you can't throw it away like this, if you don't go to college, you can't earn a living. And without a job what will you do when he leaves you with a litter of kids? And you have to sell them one after another just to put food on your pathetic little table. And in the end you'll be left with nothing. Nothing but worn out hips and sagging breasts. Is that really what you want?
- Woody Boyd: Well I can't speak for Joyce, but I could do without that.