Quotes
Dante and Randal and Jay and Silent Bob and a Bunch of New Characters and Lando Take Part in a Whole Bunch of Movie Parodies...
Clerks
- Leonardo Leonardo: Kill him, Plug!
- Mr. Plug: I'm only a publicist, sir.
- Leonardo Leonardo: Well, then kill him... with bad publicity.
- Mr. Plug: [chuckles] Sir, there's no such thing as bad publicity.
- Leonardo Leonardo: Plug!
- Mr. Plug: Consider it done.
- [Leonardo Leonardo is at his high school reunion]
- Leonardo Leonardo: Remember my story, Plug: I'm suing the government over some bad meat.
- Plug: But sir, everyone already knows you're a billionaire industrialist with world domination plans.
- Leonardo Leonardo: Who's suing the government over some bad meat.
- [Dante and Leonardo are drunk at their high school reunion]
- Dante Hicks: Stupid reunion.
- Leonardo Leonardo: Yeah... stupid.
- Dante Hicks: Look at that. I never won a trophy. I was the manager...!
- Leonardo Leonardo: I was... the manager of the...
- Dante Hicks: Stupid team. I'd like to take this trophy and go baseball... good night.
- Guard: This entrance is for deliveries only
- Jay: Oh we have a delivery, a special delivery of PAIN!
- Guard: Oh, then you'll be wanting the secret entrance.
- Randal Graves: And I've been working at the video store.
- Dante Hicks: I know.
- Randal Graves: This stinks, let's get out of here.
- [Dante, Jay, Silent Bob, and the team are climbing to the cave where the children are, a flower pot falls and breaks betweeen where Dante and Jay are]
- Dante Hicks: Why are we walking like this?
- Randal Graves: You're a lesbo too, Jeanie? No men in your life?
- Jeanie: Not after you.
- Randal Graves: Cha-Ching! What about Tracey Morgan? I dated her in eighth grade.
- Jeanie: Tracey and I have been married for five years.
- Randal Graves: Yes! Who is the man?
- Randal Graves: Check it out. Debbie Peters is heading this way for a little Randal.
- Debbie Peters: Graves, I never thought I'd see you here.
- Randal Graves: Dirty Debbie Peters. What are you, some kind of soldier?
- Debbie Peters: I'm a lesbian, you idiot.
- Randal Graves: What? Since when?
- Debbie Peters: Since about 2 seconds after we broke up.
- Randal Graves: Who is the man?
- Charles Barkley: High five!
- [Yoda and Obi-Wan look the other way]
- Charles Barkley: Oh that's cold, Obi-Wan.
- [Leonardo's little league team is called "Escort Service"]
- Dante Hicks: "Escort Service"?
- Leonardo Leonardo: Well, actually it's supposed to be "Leonardo's Plumbing and Heating and Escort Service", but it's eight cents a letter.
- [after Dante sees his new little league team]
- Dante Hicks: Oh, my god, the kid in the helmet.
- Leonardo Leonardo: Yes. And look at him!
- Dante Hicks: Team this is our newest team member! Meet Jay.
- Jay: Snoochie boochies little noochies.
- Little Kid: This guy is an idiot...
- Narrator: The following television show is entirely fictitious. Any similarities to the history of any person, living or dead, or any actual events is entirely coincidental and unintentional. Except where specifically noted otherwise in the cast and crew credits, all celebrity voices are impersonated and no celebrities have endorsed any aspect of this show. I can't believe I went to law school for this.