- Kate Harper: I talked to that museum guy about our field trip, he thinks it's a great idea.
- Brian Harper: He's gonna let us bring 15 four-year-olds on a tour of the art museum?
- Kate Harper: He only had one condition, he would like them all to be shackled together. I said okay!
- Brian Harper: I love taking the kids out, you know, stores, shops, museums. I love the look of fear on people's faces when we walk in.
- Justin O'Donnell: Today's my birthday!
- Kate Harper: Justin, where did you come from?
- Justin O'Donnell: 30250 Willick Road.
- Barbara O'Donnell: You guys are the best! And you've done so much for Justin.
- Brian Harper: Well, we're still new at this, but we're trying to give the kids a place where they can feel, you know, safe, loved, secure.
- Justin O'Donnell: My dad could bash your head in!
- Brian Harper: He's darn secure.
- Justin O'Donnell: Today is my birthday!
- Eileen Swift: Oh well, isn't that super? Last week, it was my birthday.
- Justin O'Donnell: I bet you're old!
- Eileen Swift: You lose!
- Eileen Swift: Before I went to the office, I just had to drop by and put two words in your ear: catastrophic illness.
- Brian Harper: Those are two words I hadn't thought of yet this morning.
- Eileen Swift: It's the stock tip of the '90s, Brian! Health care companies. See, listen, no matter what's going on in the economy, people are ALWAYS gonna be sick. It's fantastic!
- Kate Harper: Well, Eileen, that's very, uh... What's the word I'm looking for? Sleazy.
- [Eileen stares at Kate and the baby]
- Kate Harper: Would you like to hold her, Eileen?
- Eileen Swift: Oh no - no, no, no! Golly, no! Call it a lack of instinct, but there are just some things I have no desire to hold. Babies... plutonium.
- Molly: That song is stupid! Farm is spelled F-A-R-M, not E-I-E-I-O!
- Kate Harper: Oh well, I think the song knows that, Molly. E-I-E-I-O isn't supposed to spell farm.
- Molly: So then, what does it spell?
- Kate Harper: Well, it spells E-I-E-I... Let's read a story!
- Sammy Schrom: She doesn't know!
- Martha: You know that talk you and I had about separation anxiety, it was very helpful! Did you ever have that problem with your son?
- Brian Harper: Well, when Ross became a teenager, we experienced a kind of separation anxiety. We, uh, became anxious for him to separate.
- Kate Harper: The name of our story is "Ira Sleeps Over." It's about a boy named Ira who goes over to sleep at a friend's house. Has anybody here ever had a friend sleep over at their house?
- Dana: Oh, oh, oh! Uncle Steve slept over last night!
- Kate Harper: Uncle Steve slept over, really?
- Dana: He's not really my uncle, but my mommy makes me call him that.
- Kate Harper: Very good, Dana.
- Dana: And he always goes to bed in my mommy's room.
- Kate Harper: Okay kids, outdoor time!
- Kristin Carlson: I'm majoring in child psychology and minoring in textile arts.
- Brian Harper: Textile arts?
- Kristin Carlson: Weaving. It's really a fascinating subject, my final exam is a rug.
- Kate Harper: Did Dana drink his juice? I promised his mother he would.
- Brian Harper: He drank it.
- Molly: No, he didn't!
- Brian Harper: Yes, he did.
- Molly: He spilled it on the rug and then he licked it up.
- Brian Harper: Let's not split hairs here, Molly. Okay?
- Molly: It's disgusting and it's got to stop!
- Larry O'Donnell: How long have you had this school, anyway?
- Brian Harper: About six months, I used to be a stockbroker.
- Larry O'Donnell: Oh, sorry. You out on parole now?
- Kate Harper: Oh, look at this. When we were at work, this house was empty all day. Now there's laughter and singing and innocence and joy and party favors and cake and... We've gotta clean all this up, don't we?
- Ross Harper: Do you think that a difference in age can be stimulating in a male/female relationship?
- Kristin Carlson: Absolutely.
- Ross Harper: Well, this is fascinating.
- Kristin Carlson: Yes, for example, the guy I'm going out with right now is 43.
- Ross Harper: 43? Years? Human years?