- Eileen Swift: What are you so excited about?
- Brian Harper: We have a new student coming to the school today.
- Eileen Swift: And you didn't consult me first? I live next door! I mean, what do we know about this child? What's his credit rating?
- Brian Harper: I don't think you have to worry about little Scotty Gilbert.
- Eileen Swift: Yeah, well I'd feel a lot better if his name were little Scotty Trump.
- Blake: Eileen, will you play pirates with me?
- Eileen Swift: Mmm-hmmm.
- Blake: When?
- Eileen Swift: Oh gee, well it's 8:30 now. I'll play pirates with you, let's say... when pigs fly.
- Blake: Yaaay!
- Eileen Swift: Ross, you're not doing anything this Friday night, are you? Like I have to ask.
- Ross Harper: I happen to be extremely busy, we've got a game plan. Stiv and I are in for some intense girl-watching. First, we hit the mall. We watch, we evaluate, we record our findings. It's a five hour process, I'm totally booked.
- Eileen Swift: Them is small taters, I'm talking big time.
- Ross Harper: Forget it.
- Eileen Swift: No, no, no, no. A romantic French bistro, a five-course candlelit dinner, a charming companion, and it's yours tomorrow night, all expenses paid!
- Ross Harper: Why Eileen, I didn't know you cared!
- Eileen Swift: Dream on, Pee Wee.
- Eileen Swift: Ross, the daughter of my richest client is coming into town tomorrow night and I promised her father that I'd show her a good time.
- Ross Harper: Oh, no way, Eileen! I don't wanna go out with any girl whose idea of a good time is me!
- Eileen Swift: She's lovely!
- Ross Harper: Oh no, not "lovely!" I've seen "lovely" before. "Lovely" means hooves!
- Ross Harper: Eileen, there are some things more important than money. Like pride and self-respect.
- [to Kristin]
- Eileen Swift: He is SO confused.