- Bree Van De Kamp: You are no longer invited to the funeral.
- Phyllis Van De Kamp: What?
- Reverend Sikes: You're not serious.
- Bree Van De Kamp: Oh, yes, I am. I am going to hire security. And those security men are going to have sticks and if you so much as set foot in that sanctuary, they will be instructed to beat you with those sticks.
- Reverend Sikes: Bree, this is your grief talking.
- Bree Van De Kamp: Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, so help me, I will pull the funeral out of your church!
- Reverend Sikes: Bree!
- Bree Van De Kamp: I am not kidding. I will go non-denominational so fast, it will make your head spin.
- Andrew Van De Kamp: Mom, Grandma's leaving. All right, you have to talk to her.
- Bree Van De Kamp: No, I don't. If you heard the things that she said to me...
- Andrew Van De Kamp: Look, I'm sure she was a real bitch, OK, but she's family, so that makes her our bitch. Let her say goodbye to Dad.
- Bree Van De Kamp: She went out of her way to be cruel to me. I don't want her at the funeral.
- Danielle Van De Kamp: [crying] Mom, if you don't let Grandma come, I will never forgive you!
- Andrew Van De Kamp: [to Danielle] Did I ask for your help?
- [to Bree]
- Andrew Van De Kamp: You know Dad would want her there.