- Rob Petrie: Look, it's just my parents. It's not royalty. All you have to do is, uh, bow gracefully and stable their white horses.
- Laura Petrie: [panicking over an impending, first-time visit from Rob's parents] What am I gonna serve them?
- Rob Petrie: Oh, that IS a problem. Maybe I can steal a loaf of bread somewhere.
- Laura Petrie: Rob says, if you're tense, you should let it out in an honest, intelligent manner.
- Millie Helper: Yeah? What's HE do?
- Laura Petrie: He hits his fist against the door.
- Rob Petrie: [introducing his mother to Laura] Mrs. Petrie, meet, uh, Mrs. Petrie. You're both named Mrs. Petrie.
- Rob Petrie: [laughs but then notes his mother's stern expression] Face it, Mom.
- Sam Petrie: So this is Laura. We finally get to meet her. I just couldn't wait to meet you.
- Clara Petrie: Well, of course, we thought we would meet you at the wedding, but, uh, none of the parents were invited, were they?
- Rob Petrie: Don't... don't start that.
- Clara Petrie: I'm-I'm sorry. It's not the first wedding or the last wedding that I won't be invited to.
- [Laura says she felt a little dizzy]
- Clara Petrie: Dizzy? Laura, you're not...
- Rob Petrie: Oh, well, no, Mom. Honey, you're, uh... you're not, are you?
- Laura Petrie: No, I'm not!
- Rob Petrie: She's not.
- Sam Petrie: Not what?
- Clara Petrie: Oh, Sam. Grow up.
- Sam Petrie: Oh, THAT'S what she's not.
- Rob Petrie: Laura, what is the MATTER with you?
- Laura Petrie: I'm looking for the spoon.
- Rob Petrie: It's in your hand.
- Laura Petrie: Gee, isn't it funny how it's always the last place you look?
- Laura Petrie: [singing to the tune of "I Dream Of Jeannie"] I dream of Laurie with the light brown hair!
- [Rob prevents Sally from taking one of Buddy's prescription pills]
- Rob Petrie: Well, what-what could cure pain for one person can do some weird things to somebody else.
- Buddy Sorrell: Yeah? What kind of weird things?
- Sally Rogers: Well, for one, I could look like you.
- Laura Petrie: Rob, how can you have an Italian motif without wine bottles? So far, we've only got three. I wish you'd drink more.
- Laura Petrie: Laura Petrie
- [as she serves ice cream]
- Laura Petrie: One for Robbie, one for Moo-Moo, one for Daddy and one for Laurie!