Tom Everett Scott: Joel

Quotes 

• Joel : [voice over]  Somewhere along the line my family completely fell apart. My parents' marriage went to hell, my sister's on drugs, and worse than that... I'm a paper salesman.

  [asking his family] 

  Joel : What happened?

• [last lines] 

  Joel : [voice over]  80s might not be so bad this time around.

• Joel Larsen : Everybody snap. Come on, snap.

  [everybody snaps] 

  Joel Larsen : That's how fast high school's over. The next thing you know, you turn around, and you're thirty-four. You're out of shape, losing your hair, or selling paper... And you wonder what the hell happened. I mean, believe me, you don't wanna look back and think: "I wish I had," or "if only." Don't dwell on the past, don't have regrets. Have fun! Take chances. Live each moment. Okay, carpe diem, people. Where are you, latin club, help me out! It means: "Seize the day!"

  [the audience applauds] 

  Joel : [voice over]  So what if I'm stealing from "Dead Poets Society". They won't know for another eight years!

  Joel Larsen : Alright, if elected, I will move to abolish memorizing passages from Shakespeare. It is something we'll never use! Well, except maybe in college you're trying to get in the pants of an English lit major. And what is up with dissecting worms? Who here wants to be a worm surgeon? Show of hands? And how dare they apply snow days toward our summer vacation? And cafeteria workers, pizza should not be square and ketchup is not a vegetable! Hey, how about co-ed locker rooms, huh? Remember, live each day. In fact, on behalf of me, Joel Larson, take the rest of the day off!