Dr. Terrible's House of Horrible (TV Series)
Scream Satan Scream! (2001)
Steve Coogan: Dr. Terrible, Captain Tobias Slater
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Terrible : Good evening. I'm Dr Terrible. Welcome to my House of Horrible. The last recorded burning of a witch in this country was one Molly McTiernan who was torched at Walmsley Manor House in Suffolk last Thursday. I can still hear the screams ringing in my ears.
[smiles]
Dr. Terrible : Tonight's tale, however, does not have such a happy ending.
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Captain Tobias Slater : Tygon, the potatoes.
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Captain Tobias Slater : By the devil's trident, thou art forked.
[pause]
Captain Tobias Slater : Completely forked...
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Captain Tobias Slater : Do you have evidence of this evil?
Norden : Aye. A woman gave birth to a screaming baby boy with flame red hair. Red as the devil himself.
Captain Tobias Slater : I trust you burnt him?
Norden : Of course, we're a peaceful folk.
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Captain Tobias Slater : Oh Lord, I beseech thee to look kindly upon your most humble servant, Captain Tobias Slater - Witch Locator, as I dunk women in ponds. Forever and ever. Amen.
Charlotte : Oh, Mr Norden, you know me, you know I'm no witch.
Norden : There's a test.
Captain Tobias Slater : We've got this ducking stool.
Norden : Aye. See, if yer float...
Captain Tobias Slater : No-no-no-no-no-no-no. If you drown... No, hang on. If you float, you're a witch.
Norden : And then we burn yer.
Captain Tobias Slater : But if you drown, you're not a witch.
Charlotte : But if I drown, I'll die.
Captain Tobias Slater : It's a small price to pay.
Norden : And we've got this ducking stool.
Charlotte : But I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. That doesn't make any sense.
Captain Tobias Slater : Yes... But we've got this ducking stool.