- Dave Charnley: [Dave finds an entry for Maastricht while reading through the index for Henry's planned autobiography]
- [Looking up]
- Dave Charnley: Maastricht?
- Helen Cooper: Oh, that'll be when Sally misread the autocue, and announced to a waiting nation that the Government had finally agreed to ratify the Maastricht tea tray!
- [George has been booked to appear on Newsnight]
- Damien Day: [to George] Was it Right to Reply where you sweated so much you fused the microphone?
- [first lines]
- Damien Day: Carrying this replica gun I have managed to gain access to a locomotive pulling a train full of nuclear waste. I've not been challenged, and yet this train has the potential to devastate vast areas of our country with unimaginable loss of life, but just how worse can security get?
- [last lines]
- Damien Day: Just how good is security here at Chequers.
- [he's attacked by armed guards]
- Damien Day: Pretty good really.
- Helen Cooper: [seeing Henry walk in singing "If I were a Rich Man"] You're in a good mood.
- Henry Davenport: Indeed I am. I'm in the sort of mood that a eunuch who's just heard about micro-surgery would be in.
- Gus Hedges: [entering the news room] Henry!
- Henry Davenport: [Jerking his head towards Gus] And talking of eunuchs.
- [Gus has asked for an advance copy of Henry's autobiography]
- Henry Davenport: I'm not going to show this book to a living soul.
- Joy Merryweather: Still in with a chance there, Gus.
- Helen Cooper: [reading from the story list] Is this it? Jonathan Aitken calling the European Union sluggish and complacent?
- Dave Charnley: Well, maybe they haven't paid his hotel bill yet.