- Beans: Louis, I know you always wanted a crown.
- Alan Twitty: What, you did?
- Louis Stevens: Uh, well, yeah, it's a long story.
- Beans: I want you to have this one.
- Louis Stevens: Beans... No, man. You worked too hard for it.
- Beans: Okay.
- Louis Stevens: No, no, Beans, I was being polite.
- Beans: Too late, 'cause now, you lose.
- Louis Stevens: No, give me that crown! BEEEEEAAAANS!
- Alan Twitty: [beginning Beans's training for the Little Mr Sacktown pageant] Here's a sample question. If a genie granted you one magical wish, what would you wish for?
- Beans: [he thinks it over] Bacon.
- Alan Twitty: Bacon! OK, uh, Beans, I think the judges need to hear like a whole sentence.
- Beans: Crispy bacon.
- Beans: [having offended Beans earlier, Louis tries to make amends by revealing his own experience in the Little Mr Sacktown contest] You were in the pageant?
- Louis Stevens: Yeah. I was a goofy little kid with stars in his eyes. And I thought it would be so cool to wear that crown, y'know?
- Sylvia: What happened?
- Louis Stevens: Well, I blew it... No coaching, or support team, none of that stuff. When I got out there on that stage and looked at the audience, they were all laughin' at me. And that's when I felt the breeze. And then I looked down, and sure enough, my zipper was at half-mast. So I spun around real fast, y'know, so nobody saw. and I fell right into the orchestra pit. And let me tell you somethin', Beans. Trombones hurt in a way that you will never understand.
- [Eileen walks into the living room and finds Steve and Donnie sitting on the couch staring blankly at the program guide on the TV; she sits down]
- Eileen Stevens: What? You guys haven't moved for five hours. What are you watching?
- Donnie Stevens: Shh! Program guide.
- Steve Stevens: You know how many channels we have?
- Eileen Stevens: That's ridiculous! I'm driving.
- [Eileen grabs the remote from Steve and changes channels trying to find something to watch as a dejected Ren enters and sits down on the couch next to Steve]
- Steve Stevens: [looks over his shoulder and notices Ren] Hey, honey. You ok?
- Ren Stevens: No, my two best friends hate me over a stupid, ugly pen!
- Donnie Stevens: That's too bad. But look how many channels we have!