Family Guy (TV Series)

8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter (2005)

John G. Brennan: Mort Goldman

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : While I'm at it give me all these copies of "Marie Claire." Ya know in case I wanna rub out that easy one before I get Lois into bed tonight.

  Mort Goldman : Kathleen Turner's on page 45.

  Peter Griffin : Kathleen Turner... ehh? Let's see how she looks.

  [glances at the magazine] 

  Peter Griffin : Aww, that's a shame.

• Peter Griffin : Hey, Mort... do these suppositories come in any other flavors?

  Mort Goldman : Peter, are you EATING those?

  Peter Griffin : [sarcastically]  No, I'm shoving them up my butt... of course I'm eating them!

• Peter Griffin : Hey, Mort, let me get a package of condoms. Oh, and I guess I'll need some Excedrin too because Lois has a headache "this big". Hah-hah! Did you see? It's like from the commercial, only I pointed at my junk.

  Mort Goldman : All right, Peter. That'll be $7.22.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, jeez, Mort, I didn't bring any money.

  Mort Goldman : Well, I suppose I could just open up a tab...

  Peter Griffin : What, you mean I wouldn't have to pay you?

  Mort Goldman : Well, not right away...

  Peter Griffin : In that case let me get this stack of Marie Claires, you know, in case I want to rub out the easy one before we start...

• Meg Griffin : I can't believe he's over me.

  Mort Goldman : I can't believe I'm out 34 grand!

  Peter Griffin : I Can't Believe It's Not Butter! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Stick around, more Family Guy coming up.