Family Guy (TV Series)

A Hero Sits Next Door (1999)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Tom Tucker, Game Show Host, Former Neighbor, Bingo Guy, Kevin, Asian Man, Black Player, Robber #1, Hostage #3, Cop

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : Holy crip, he's a crapple.

• [Brian is panting. In front of him is an attractive woman] 

  Woman on bleachers : Ugh! Pervert!

  Brian : Oh. Oh don't flatter yourself honey. I don't have any sweat glands

• [Peter almost foils a bank robbery] 

  Peter Griffin : Hey, I'm supposed to be the hero here. Come on. Well, can I just pistol whip you guys a couple of times for the camera?

• Stewie Griffin : [to Peter]  When the world is mine, your death should be quick and painless.

  [leaves] 

• Brian : [mistaking a police scanner for a normal radio, during a crime report]  Is it just me, or is rap music just getting lazier?

• Bonnie Swanson : The movers tracked grease all over the carpet. I've tried everything to get it out.

  Lois Griffin : What about lemon juice?

  Fan at ball game : What about club soda?

  Stewie Griffin : What about shutting the hell up?

• Peter Griffin : Welcome to the neighborhood! Hiya, Joe.

  Joe Swanson : Peter.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, don't get up.

  Joe Swanson : This is a surprise, I kinda thought you didn't like me.

  Peter Griffin : Oh, what? Because of what I said this afternoon? Oh, no, no, no, see I have that disease where stuff just pops out your mouth... Go to hell! Go to hell! Whoop! Heh, see what I mean?

  [laughs] 

  Joe Swanson : Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought maybe I crossed the line when I asked to borrow a screw driver.

  Peter Griffin : [moans]  Are you kidding? You could borrow whatever you want.

  Joe Swanson : Great. Say, you don't have any picture wire do you?

  Peter Griffin : Picture wire? You son of a bitch. Eh, son of a bitch, son of a bitch! Heh, there it goes again.

  Joe Swanson : I don't want to impose.

  Peter Griffin : No problem, that's what neighbors do. H-hey you know what else they do? They play on their neighbor's company softball team, like this Saturday. Eh? What do you say neighbor? Eh?

  Joe Swanson : Sounds like fun.

  Peter Griffin : Hey, so much fun, it should be illegal, like copyrighted infringement.

  [Peter's face transforms into Mickey Mouse] 

  Peter Griffin : [in Mickey Mouse voice]  Ho-ho! See you at the game Joe, ho-ho!

• Brian : Gosh, I'd like to help you, Peter, but I've got to go out in the hall and chew on the back of my ass for about five minutes.