Family Guy (TV Series)

Brian: Portrait of a Dog (1999)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Tom Tucker, Jake Tucker, Announcer, Game Show Host, Blue M&M, Deer, Pillsbury Doughboy, Dog Sheriff, MacGyver, Jury #1

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : God I hate this freaking cat.

• Brian : [Brian licks Peter's face in appreciation]  If you ever tell anyone about that, I will kill you.

• [at a dog show] 

  Peter Griffin : Brian, come. Hey, don't you walk out on me.

  [aware that the audience is watching] 

  Peter Griffin : Uh, heh. Uh, I now command you to leave. Yep. Keep going. Yeah, yeah, that's right, yeah, flip me off. Good boy. Heh heh, heh heh.

• Brian : [after kicking another dog in the testicles from behind]  I see somebody's been neutered.

• Peter Griffin : Look, you got everything you could possibly want right here, now just eat your cinnamon buns, and stop being a bad dog.

  Brian Griffin : [gasp]  How dare you? How dare you?

  Peter Griffin : How dare I? How dare I? Where do you think you're going?

  Brian Griffin : Out.

  Peter Griffin : Hey, hey you're not going anywhere without your leash.

  Brian Griffin : I don't need your damn leash and I don't need you! I'm going for a walk.

  Peter Griffin : Don't worry. He won't get far without this.

  [holds up spark-plug wires from the car] 

• Brian Griffin : I'm sorry, I don't do dog shows, that's not my thing.

• Police Officer : [after he brings Brian home from the streets; to Peter]  And the fine is $10.00.

  [to Brian] 

  Police Officer : Now you behave yourself, little guy. Understand?

  Brian Griffin : [sarcastically in a Southern voice]  Oh Lordy, Lordy I'll never roam again!

  [Peter closes the door] 

  Brian Griffin : Jackass.

• Lois Griffin : Peter, Brian please! Can't you two go back to the way you used to be?

  [cut to a scene with the same characters, but styled as a 1930s version might look, then cut back to the original scene] 

  Brian Griffin : I'm never going back to the way things were, not after the way I was treated, not after the things I've seen.

  Chris Griffin : What did you see? Was it breasts?

  Peter Griffin : Ah, geez, get over it Brian, I mean, how bad you have it here? When I found you, you were nothing but a stray.

  Brian Griffin : [gasp]  You swear, you never speak of that.

  [cut to flashback of Brian and Peter's first meeting: Brian is washing car windows for change, Peter is passing in his car] 

  Peter Griffin : Uh, no thank you, I just had it cleaned.

  [Brian starts cleaning window] 

  Peter Griffin : Oh. Ah, geez.

  Brian Griffin : All set, sir.

  Peter Griffin : I don't have any change, sorry.

  Brian Griffin : Oh, that's okay. No charge.

  Peter Griffin : Wait! Wait! Uh, you're hungry? 'Cause you know, my wife makes this beefaroni casserole, out of this world.

• Meg Griffin : Ugh, it's SO hot out there.

  Peter Griffin , Brian Griffin , Lois Griffin , Chris Griffin , Stewie Griffin : How hot is it?

  Meg Griffin : I don't know. Like around 98, 99?

  Peter Griffin : [Beat]  I don't get it.

• Stewie Griffin : You! You seem to know all the players in this poorly acted farce. What do they call that one?

  Chris Griffin : That's Meg, dude. You know that.

  Stewie Griffin : Meg! You vile, smelly girl! You're not to touch any of my things! Do you understand me? Dirty, dirty girl!

• Peter Griffin : I would do anything for you, Brian.

  Brian Griffin : [puts down the paper, gets up to leave]  I'll be on the veranda, since you're already on the cross.

• Lois Griffin : You're looking well.

  Brian Griffin : Yeah, don't get too close. They say I'm dangerous. That's why the MAN is gonna put me down.