Family Guy (TV Series)

Don't Make Me Over (2005)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Effeminate Cow, Armstrong Manager, Neil Armstrong, Prisoner #1, Prisoner #2, Vice President, George H. W. Bush, Jimmy Fallon, Bill Cosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : Hey, Fallon! Say goodnight, you bum!

  [punches Jimmy Fallon over and over] 

  Peter Griffin : And this is for laughing and looking at the camera during every comedy sketch you've ever been in! Who do you think you are, Carol Burnett? You think she did it so it's all right for you? You haven't earned what she's earned! All right, now where's the guy who slept with my daughter?

• Stewie Griffin : 10 bucks.

  Brian Griffin : Five bucks.

  Stewie Griffin : Eight bucks and I'll do it.

  Brian Griffin : Fine.

  [Stewie goes running through the center courtyard naked] 

  Stewie Griffin : Help! I've escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement! Help me!

  [Stewie walks back to Brian naked] 

  Stewie Griffin : Ha! I am so outrageous. Gimme the cash.

  [Stewie starts counting the money] 

  Brian Griffin : Cold in here?

  Stewie Griffin : Nope, just really small.

• Meg Griffin : Mom, Dad, am I ugly?

  Lois Griffin : Oh, of course not, sweetie.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?

  Meg Griffin : Craig Hoffman.

  Peter Griffin : Craig Hoff...

  [pauses] 

  Peter Griffin : Craig Hoffman said that? Well, he's a sharp kid. You may be ugly.

• Meg Griffin : Mom, Dad! He used me for comedy!

  Peter Griffin : Wait a minute, are you telling me that my daughter was deflowered in front of one-and-a-half times the MADtv audience?

• Lois Griffin : I'm worried about Meg. She's spiraling out of control, I mean what if she develops a coke problem?

  Peter Griffin : No Coke, Pepsi!

  [Peter laughs, and Lois walks away] 

  Peter Griffin : Aww, come on! You set me up for that one!

• Meg Griffin : I got a makeover, dad. Don't I look great?

  Peter Griffin : Oh, Meg, honey, I always thought you looked beautiful just the way...

  [breaks into laughter] 

  Peter Griffin : Couldn't do that with a straight face! Oh, welcome to the family, sweetheart. Chris, go burn all Meg's old pictures.

• Dr. Diddy : Let me explain something to you, all right? We got to get her half-naked and put her up front center stage. That's gonna make you all billionaires, because America loves hot white jailbait ass.

  Peter Griffin : Wait a minute... that's the smartest thing I've ever heard anyone say about anything.

  Lois Griffin : I'm not sure I'm comfortable with Meg being exploited that way.

  Meg Griffin : Shut up, mom! It's not your decision, I want to be exploited.

• Dr. Diddy : Okay, listen up, everybody. I got great news. Meg, you and your family are gonna perform on Saturday Night Live!

  Peter Griffin : You mean I'm gonna get to meet John Belushi and Gilda Radner and Phil Hartman and Chris Farley and Horatio Sanz? Sweet!

• Brian Griffin : Wow, you're Jimmy Iovine, the Chairman of Interscope Records. What are you doing in prison?

  Jimmy Iovine : Uh, I stomped a cat to death.