Family Guy (TV Series)
Road to Rhode Island (2000)
Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Man with Braces, Burglars, Redneck Father
Photos
Quotes
-
[Brian and Stewie are catching a ride with Hispanic workers in Texas]
Brian Griffin : Hola! Um... me, me llamo es Brian. Ahh, uh, um... Let's see, uh, nosotros queremos ir con ustedes.
Migrant Worker : Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said, "Me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es", just "me llamo Brian".
Brian Griffin : Oh! So you speak English!
Migrant Worker : No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian Griffin : You... you're kidding, right?
Migrant Worker : Que?
-
Brian Griffin : [Brian and Stewie are burying Brian's mother who has been stuffed] Say something.
Stewie Griffin : What?
Brian Griffin : Just say something, please!
Stewie Griffin : Oh for god's sake. Uhm... yea and God said to Abraham; "You will kill your son Isaac." And Abraham said, "I can't hear You, you'll have to speak into the microphone." And God said, "I'm sorry, is this better? Check check... check. Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here."
Brian Griffin : Say something about my mother!
Stewie Griffin : Oh. Uh... I never knew Biscuit as a dog, but I did know her as a table. She was sturdy, all four legs the same length...
Brian Griffin : Thanks, thanks that's enough.
Stewie Griffin : Ah yes. Requiem and terra pax and so forth, amen.
-
Woman In Bar : I think you've had enough to drink
Brian Griffin : [Obviously drunk] I, I think you're wrong you increasingly attractive looking woman.
Woman In Bar : [smiles obviously flattered]
Brian Griffin : You could be in magazines. You could. And not just Jugs or Creamsicle.
Woman In Bar : [Walks away in disgust]
-
Brian Griffin : [Slurred speech] I'm not drunk, I have a speech impediment.
[Vomits on the bar]
Brian Griffin : ... and a stomach virus.
[Falls off bar stool]
Brian Griffin : ... and an inner-ear infection.
-
Brian Griffin : [singing] We're a perfect pair of partners/Just like Thelma and Louise/Except your not six feet tall
Stewie Griffin : [singing] And your breasts don't reach your knees
Brian Griffin : [Speaks] Give it time
-
Stewie Griffin : [Stewie finds Brian drinking in a bar] Oh here's a pleasant sight; Cirrhosis the wonderdog.
-
Brian Griffin : Listen kid there's something I've been meaning to tell you. It's no easy for me to say.
Stewie Griffin : Oh god, you're not coming out of the closet are you? Ugh, why does everyone always come out to me?
-
Brian Griffin : [to Stewie] I'm not drunk! I just have speech impediment...
[vomits]
Brian Griffin : And a stomach virus...
[falls off bar stool]
Brian Griffin : And an inner ear infection.
-
Dr. Amanda Rebecca : We're going to add...
[tape interrupts Lois]
Lois Griffin : Peter!
Peter Griffin : Ahh!
Lois Griffin : I know what you've been doing here, and I'm very upset with you.
Peter Griffin : Oh. Usually, beautiful women don't turn back into you until I'm finished.
Lois Griffin : These tapes are about to be communication. If you want to see a woman acting nasty, you should've told me.
[starts taking a bathrobe off]
Peter Griffin : This is hot.
Lois Griffin : Turn around.
Peter Griffin : Lois! This is not what it looks like! She means nothing to me!
Lois Griffin : Peter, it's okay.
Peter Griffin : Yeah?
Lois Griffin : I was trying to be sexy for you.
Peter Griffin : Oh, come here you.
[starts to rewind]
Lois Griffin : You should've told me.
[rewinds]
Lois Griffin : You should've told me.
[rewinds]
-
[in a motel, Stewie is trying to sleep, but is kept awake by two men in the opposite room]
First Man : You got the stuff?
Second Man : Yeah, I got it. Where's the money, huh? I wanna see the money!
First Man : Oh, no, no - you don't see the money till I see the stuff!
Stewie Griffin : Oh, for God's sake, there's only one way to put an end to this nuisance - HE'S WEARING A WIRE!
First Man : What? You son of a...
[Gunfire erupts from the other room, and a body falls to the ground. Stewie yawns and falls asleep]
-
Stewie Griffin : Why the hell did we get off here?
Brian Griffin : My mother lives in Austin. Don't you see? Fate's brought me back here for a reason. I have to find my mother and make peace with her.
Stewie Griffin : So, she's in Austin? Eight miles that way?
Brian Griffin : Yes.
Stewie Griffin : All right. So, instead of driving down this sun-parched highway... we've now got to walk.
Brian Griffin : Pretty much. Yeah.
Stewie Griffin : You know what this means?
Brian Griffin : Yeah.
-
Stewie Griffin , Brian Griffin : [singing] We're off on the road to Rhode Island/We're having the times of our lives
Stewie Griffin : Take it, dog.
Brian Griffin : We're quite a bit of partners just like Velma and Louise/Except you're not six feet tall/
Stewie Griffin : Yes, and your breasts don't reach your knees.
Brian Griffin : Give it time
Stewie Griffin , Brian Griffin : We're off on the road to Rhode Island/ We're certainly going in style/
Brian Griffin : I'm with an intellectual who craps inside his pants/
Stewie Griffin : How dare you, at least I don't leave urine stains on all the household plants.
Brian Griffin : Oh, pee jokes.
Stewie Griffin , Brian Griffin : We've traveled a bit and we fooooound/ Like a masocist in Newport/We're Rhode Island bound.
Brian Griffin : Crazy travel conditions huh?
Stewie Griffin : First class and no class.
Brian Griffin : Whoa, careful with that joke. It's an antique.
Stewie Griffin , Brian Griffin : We're off on the road to Rhode Island/We're not going to stop 'till we're theeeere
Brian Griffin : Maybe for a beer. Whatever dangers we may face we'll never fear or cry/
Stewie Griffin : Until we're syndicated Fox will never let us die, please!
Stewie Griffin , Brian Griffin : We're off on the road to Rhode Island/The home of that old campus swing/
Brian Griffin : We'd like to get some college girls and picnic on the grass/
Stewie Griffin : We'd tell you more but we would have the censors on our ass.
Brian Griffin : Yikes!
Stewie Griffin , Brian Griffin : We certanly do get around/Like a bunch of renegade pilgrims who were thrown out of Plymouth Colony/We're Rhode Island bound/Or like two groups of college freshmen who were rejected from Harvard and forced to go to Brown/We're Rhode Iiiiislaaaaand bouuuuuuuund.
-
Stewie Griffin : Why the hell did we get off here?
Brian Griffin : My mother lives in Austin. Don't you see? Fate's brought me back here for a reason. I have to find my mother and make piece with her.
Stewie Griffin : So, she's in Austin? Eight miles that way?
Brian Griffin : Yes.
Stewie Griffin : All right. So, instead of driving down this sun-parched highway... we've now got to walk.
Brian Griffin : Pretty much. Yeah.
Stewie Griffin : You know what this means?
Brian Griffin : Yeah.
-
Betty : Aw, look at you! I bet you're hungry.
Stewie Griffin : And I bet your lost your virginity to a mechanical bull. Now change me!
-
Stewie Griffin : [accidently rips off the tail of Brian's dead mother] Oh, relax. The old girl didn't have much to wag about these days, anyway.
-
Stewie Griffin : [looking at a picture of Jesus] Look at Jesus over there all by himself!
[referring to another picture]
Stewie Griffin : You would think those bulldogs would invite him over to play poker with them.
-
Lois Griffin : Brian, you've really been enjoying your wine lately.
Brian Griffin : It's only my second glass.
[takes a sip from a 7-11 Big Gulp cup]
-
Dr. Amanda Rebecca : You're making me so hot. I hope you like big breasts because mine are so big this itty bra can barely contain them. Do you want to see more?
Peter Griffin : Yes please.
Dr. Amanda Rebecca : You'll have to order my next tape.
-
Lois Griffin : Peter, I love you.
Peter Griffin : About a quarter to five.
-
Lois Griffin : Stewie and Brian are taking a train home.
Peter Griffin : Geez, can we not talk about curtains for two seconds?
-
Peter Griffin : Lois, our relationship cannot be measured in nipples and dimes. I mean, nickels and boobs. Money. I'll be upstairs.
-
Stewie Griffin : I say, there's a plane.
Brian Griffin : Yeah, where there's a plane, there's probably a pilot. And if there's a pilot, there must be a bar. I can finally get a drink.
Redneck Father : I don't trust you. You put your seed in my daughter's belly. You're fired!
Redneck Pilot : But, pa! You can't fire me.
Redneck Father : You're lucky you're my brother too, or I'd kill you.
-
Luke : Well, we loved Biscuit so much, we wanted to keep her with us always. So we had her stuffed.
Brian Griffin : [gasps] Mom!
Stewie Griffin : Well, I say, someone must have said a funny because your mother's in stitches. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ah, I'll leave you to grieve.
-
Stewie Griffin : [observing Brian's stuffed mother] You know, this is a rather elegant solution for my problem of what to do with Lois.
-
Stewie Griffin : [to Brian's stuffed mother] C'mon darling, stiff upper lip. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha. Oh, I'm writing that one down.
-
Stewie Griffin : [riding Brian] I say, walk slower, dog. My huggies are already holed up in box canyon.
