Family Guy (TV Series)

The King Is Dead (2000)

Seth Green: Chris Griffin, Sean Penn, Monkey #2

Quotes 

• Meg Griffin : I don't get it, mom. If you're so mad at dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?

  Lois Griffin : I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?

  Chris Griffin : A bitch.

• Lois Griffin : All those years of paying my dues as musical director under that old hack have finally paid off.

  Brian Griffin : Oh, Lois, congratulations. Our little theater group finally has a committed visionary at its helm; and such an attractive one.

  Lois Griffin : Brian, you'll have to audition just like everyone else.

  Brian Griffin : Oh, god, of course. I-I... oh, you didn't think... . you thought I was...

  [bashfully] 

  Brian Griffin : Ah... Lois.

  Chris Griffin : I can paint scenery.

  Meg Griffin : Can I be in the show, mom?

  Stewie Griffin : Yes, you can be the dumpy teenager who stays backstage and cries because nobody finds her attractive.

• Peter Griffin : Mr. Weed said whoever comes up with the best idea for the big Christmas toy this year gets a huge bonus.

  Chris Griffin : Hey, dad, why don't you invent the frisbee? That's a awesome toy.

  Meg Griffin : It's already been invented.

  Chris Griffin : Then how come I never heard of it?

• Lois Griffin : What's going on?

  Peter Griffin : Oh, we're just having a little powwow to discuss my latest changes.

  Lois Griffin : *What* changes?

  Peter Griffin : The Siamese children. How about this? They're not children.

  [spookily] 

  Peter Griffin : They're ALIENS!

  Glenn Quagmire : Ha! Hey, that's great, Peter.

  Joe Swanson : Right on the money.

  Diane Simmons : Isn't he brilliant?

  Lois Griffin : No! He's not brilliant! Rodgers and Hammerstein were brilliant, and I want to do the show *they* wrote. We're not making any more changes!

  Meg Griffin : [running in with Chris]  We sold out!

  Chris Griffin : Yeah, the whole town's talking about your show, dad.

  Lois Griffin : [cheers from the others]  *Your* show? Peter, this is *my* show!

  Peter Griffin : What's the big deal? You wanted to sell out and we did.

  Lois Griffin : I am through selling out. I took this job because I wanted to create something beautiful and you've completely destroyed that. You wanna be the director? Fine. I quit.

  Peter Griffin : Me, direct? I don't know what to say, except... I'm the king of the worl...

  [falling off the stage] 

  Peter Griffin : Ow!