Family Guy (TV Series)

The King Is Dead (2000)

Patrick Warburton: Joe Swanson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : Okay, let's run this scene again. Now, remember, Diane, you're playing Anna; a steel-town girl on a Saturday night looking for the fight of her life.

  Diane Simmons : Um, where does it say that?

  Peter Griffin : [pointing to his head]  In my noodle. Okay, places. And action.

  [Diane dances to '80s dance music, a la "Flashdance"] 

  Peter Griffin : Stop. All wrong. All wrong. God, send me dancers.

  Diane Simmons : We've been rehearsing for hours. I'm exhausted.

  Peter Griffin : Well, I'm sorry, but we open the show in three hours and I don't think we're ready.

  Diane Simmons : Of course we're not. You keep changing everything.

  Peter Griffin : You bet I do. Because theater is alive. It's a living, breathing creature with wants and needs and you're not man enough to satisfy her.

  Diane Simmons : I can't work this way. I quit!

  Peter Griffin : Fine.

  Joe Swanson : We can't do "The King and I" without Anna.

  Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, this is a real snafu.

  Peter Griffin : We don't need Diane Simmons. We've had someone better all along. Someone radiant and sassy with the soul and the passion that can only come from hundreds of years of Black oppression.

  Loretta Brown : Oh, thank you, Peter. I'll do it.

  Peter Griffin : Get over yourself. I was talking about me.

• Lois Griffin : What's going on?

  Peter Griffin : Oh, we're just having a little powwow to discuss my latest changes.

  Lois Griffin : *What* changes?

  Peter Griffin : The Siamese children. How about this? They're not children.

  [spookily] 

  Peter Griffin : They're ALIENS!

  Glenn Quagmire : Ha! Hey, that's great, Peter.

  Joe Swanson : Right on the money.

  Diane Simmons : Isn't he brilliant?

  Lois Griffin : No! He's not brilliant! Rodgers and Hammerstein were brilliant, and I want to do the show *they* wrote. We're not making any more changes!

  Meg Griffin : [running in with Chris]  We sold out!

  Chris Griffin : Yeah, the whole town's talking about your show, dad.

  Lois Griffin : [cheers from the others]  *Your* show? Peter, this is *my* show!

  Peter Griffin : What's the big deal? You wanted to sell out and we did.

  Lois Griffin : I am through selling out. I took this job because I wanted to create something beautiful and you've completely destroyed that. You wanna be the director? Fine. I quit.

  Peter Griffin : Me, direct? I don't know what to say, except... I'm the king of the worl...

  [falling off the stage] 

  Peter Griffin : Ow!

• Joe Swanson : We can't do 'The King and I' without Anna.

  Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, it's a real snafu.

  Peter Griffin : We don't need Diane Simmons. We've had someone better all along. Someone radiant and sassy, with the soul and the passion that can only come from hundreds of years of black oppression.

  Loretta Brown : Aah, thank you, Peter.

  Peter Griffin : Get over yourself, I was talking about me.

• Peter Griffin : Well, well, look who came crawlin' back.

  Joe Swanson : Peter, have you seen my wheelchair?