Family Guy (TV Series)

The Thin White Line (2001)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Jasper, Old Man, John, Tucan Sam, Ricky, Officer #2

Photos 

Quotes 

• Brian Griffin : Ah... Sorry Doc. I don't usually let Peter talk me into this kinda stuff.

  Lady : Wait a minute... Brian you have a pre-existing relationship with this degenerate?

  Peter Griffin : A degenerate am I? Well you, are a vestiggio! See? I can make up words too sister!

• Lois Griffin : So how was your day?

  Brian Griffin : [on drugs]  My day? Un-freaking-believable! First we nailed this bastard who had the gall to hide his stuff in his daughter's doll! Her doll for god's sake!

  [draws heavily on his cigarette then exhales] 

  Brian Griffin : Where's the line anymore? Well I got news for you... It's, it's not even on the radar screen! The days of decency and virtue are gone honey, BAM! It freaking evaporated like a dingy, stinky mud puddle! One day you... you see your reflection in it, and the next day it's a... it's a damn oil spot on your cracked driveway staring back at you, mocking you... Blah Blah Blah! Knowing the perverted truth will rot in the pit of your soul! That's how my freaking day was!

  [everyone at the Table stares at him, then...] 

  Peter Griffin : You know what I haven't had in a while? Big League Chew.

• Brian Griffin : Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP?

• Rehab Counselor : I don't think you're an addict, I think you're an idiot.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, well I don't pay you to think, hot lips. In fact, I don't pay you at all. Count it!

• [Brian's been hired as a drug-sniffing cop dog] 

  Peter Griffin : Hey, Brian. If cops are pigs, does that make you a Snausage?

  [he laughs] 

  Brian Griffin : Clever, Peter. Did you stay up all night writing that?

  Peter Griffin : No, I got to bed around two, two-thirty.

• [Brian has discovered Peter at the clinic] 

  Brian Griffin : What are you doing here?

  Peter Griffin : I'm on vacation. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'm also on smack.

• Joe Swanson : [referring to Brian]  Say hello to our newest narc. He's a natural.

  Glen Quagmire : Oh yeah? Heh, how good are you?

  Brian Griffin : [sniff, sniff... sniff, sniff]  You're back from Manila. You had lumpia for dinner. Then you made love to two Filipino women...

  [sniff] 

  Brian Griffin : and a man.

  Glen Quagmire : You mean three Filipino women.

  [Brian blinks once. Quagmire's facial expression changes] 

  Glen Quagmire : Nooo!

• Brian Griffin : So I see you got a new receptionist. Nice little body on her, huh?

  Therapist : That's my daughter.

  Brian Griffin : Well, we could probably call this an early day, huh?

• [the family is sitting in the kitchen] 

  Lois Griffin : So, Peter, where shall we go for your week off?

  Peter Griffin : Well, I... I was thinking we could all go to Purgatory like we did last year!

  [it switches to the Griffins floating in front of a plain white background] 

  Lois Griffin : This isn't bad... it's not that good, but y'know... it's not that bad.

  Brian Griffin : It's so-so.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah... more or less...

• Stewie Griffin : [Brian walks in]  Oh, splendid! Fido McCoke-fiend is home.

• Peter Griffin : I'm NOT being insensitive, Lois. I just don't see why we have to cancel our vacation, just because the dog's a coke-fiend.

• Stewie Griffin : [Coked-out Brian comes home with a hooker]  Oh, good, Fido McCoke-fiend is home.

  Brian Griffin : Everybody, this is Tina.

  Meg Griffin : What happened to you?

  Brian Griffin : Hey, how 'bout a little less questions and a little more SHUT THE HELL UP!

• [Brian is addicted to cocaine] 

  Meg Griffin : Brian, you look like you lost weight! What is your secret?

  Brian Griffin : Here's my secret. PUT DOWN THE FORK!

• Brian Griffin : [to Meg]  Take down your fork... FACE!

• Peter Griffin : Hey what do you think they put in the bug juice?

  Brian Griffin : ...Bugs?

  Peter Griffin : No way!... No they don't!... shut up!... come on!

• Brian Griffin : And that's why I'm leaving.

  Peter Griffin : Leaving? But you can't leave.

  Brian Griffin : I have to Peter, for me. I love you all.

  [Everybody was sad] 

  Lois Griffin : Somebody, say something!

  Stewie Griffin : [running]  Brian wait!

  [He runs up to Brian] 

  Brian Griffin : Hold on a second.

  [Stewie spits on Brian's nose, leaves] 

  Brian Griffin : Airport please.

  [Car runs] 

• Brian Griffin : Everyone, this is Tina.

  Meg Griffin : What happened to you?

  Brian Griffin : How about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up?

• Stewie Griffin : [Peter runs off to join the competition]  Look at him! He runs like a Welshman! Doesn't he run like a Welshman?

• Peter Griffin : [Full of tranquiliser darts]  But I don't want to feed Grandma bacon in the bathtub!

• Brian Griffin : You know what Joe said the street value of that cocaine would've been?

  Lois Griffin : Let's see. Four and a half kilos uncut Nicaraguan. 1.7 mil, that area?

  Brian Griffin : [dumbfounded]  Uh, yeah. That's... that's... that's right.