- [Brian is watching "Seinfeld"]
- Jerry Seinfeld: So you couldn't date her because she was a tickler.
- George Costanza: A tickler.
- Jerry Seinfeld: And you're not a stickler for a tickler.
- George Costanza: Not a stickler for a tickler.
- Jerry Seinfeld: You're not a tickler stickler.
- George Costanza: Not a tickler stickler.
- [absurd babbling]
- Brian: Where the hell is the remote?
- [Luke is about to perform laser eye surgery with his lightsaber]
- Luke Skywalker: I just need to make a quick incision here and we should be all done, Mrs. Wilson.
- Obi-Wan Kenobi: Luke, use the Force.
- Luke Skywalker: Really? I was just gonna make...
- Obi-Wan Kenobi: Use - use the Force.
- Luke Skywalker: Okay!
- [Luke telepathically moves the lightsaber and cuts into the woman's skull]
- Luke Skywalker: Are you happy?
- Obi-Wan Kenobi: I've never been happy.
- Chris Griffin: Mom, can Stewie and me be excused? He's gonna help me with my math.
- Lois Griffin: Chris, he's just a baby.
- Stewie Griffin: Oh, you're a regular Rhodes scholar. Where was it you graduated from again, hmm? The university of "DUHHHH?"
- Peter Griffin: [singing] Nothing else has worked so far/So I'll wish upon a star/Wondrous, dancing speck of light/I need a Jew/Lois makes me take the rap/'Cause our checkbook looks like crap/Since I can't give her a slap/I need a Jew/Where to find/A Baum or Steen or Stein/To teach me how to whine and do my taxes?
- Peter Griffin: They better not be expecting us to give money, because I gave at church last Sunday, and I'm pretty sure it all goes to the same God.
- Lois Griffin: [on the phone] Mother, you know how I hate asking for money. But... mother, Peter's an excellent provider. No, mother, I do not think I'd be better off married to a chimp.
- Max Weinstein: Hello. My car broke down. Can I use your phone?
- Peter Griffin: [singing] Now my troubles are all through/I have a Jew.
- Max Weinstein: Hey!
- Peter Griffin: Nothing else has worked this far / So I wish upon a star / Wonderous shining speck of light / I need a Jew / Lois makes me take the rap / Cause our checkbook looks like crap / Since I can't give her a slap / I need a Jew / Where to find / A Baum or Steen or Stein / To teach me how to whine and do my taaaaaxesss... / Though by many they're abhorred / Hebrew people I've adored / I don't think they killed my Lord / I need a Jew.
- Max Weinstein: What do you want?
- Peter Griffin: Financial advice.
- Max Weinstein: Financial advice? How the hell did you know I'm an accountant?
- Peter Griffin: [stressing his Jewish last name] Hello? "Max *Weinstein*"?