Fawlty Towers (TV Series)

Basil the Rat (1979)

John Quarmby: Mr. Carnegie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Carnegie : I think these premises do not come up to the standard required by this authority. Unless appropriate steps are taken instantly, I shall have no alternative but to prosecute or recommend closure to the appropriate committee of the council, uh, specifically: The lack of proper cleaning routines, dirty and greasy filters, greasy and encrusted deep fat fryer, dirty, cracked and stained food preparation surfaces, dirty, cracked and missing wall and floor tiles, dirty, marked and stained utensils, dirty and greasy interior surfaces of the ventilator hood...

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, about the deep fat fryer...

  Mr. Carnegie : ...inadequate temperature control and storage of dangerous foodstuffs, storage of cooked and raw meat in same trays, storage of raw meat above confectionery with consequent dripping of meat juices onto cream products, refrigerator seals loose and cracked, ice box undefrosted, and refrigerator overstocked...

  Basil Fawlty : Yes, say no more.

  Mr. Carnegie : ...um, food handling routines suspect, evidence of smoking in food preparation area, dirty and grubby food handling overall, lack of wash hand basin - which you gave us a verbal assurance you'dhave installed at our last visit six months ago - and two dead pigeons in the water tank.

  Basil Fawlty : Otherwise O.K.?

• [Polly struggles to keep Mr. Carnegie, the health inspector, from learning of Manuel's pet rat Basil, named after Basil Fawlty, running loose in the hotel] 

  Manuel : The Major try to kill Basil!

  Sybil Fawlty : Kill BASIL?

  Manuel : No, not Mr. Fawlty. I mean Basil, my little...

  Polly : [suddenly, before Manuel can say 'Rat' in front of the health inspector]  RATATOUILLE!

  Mr. Carnegie : Basil the little...

  Polly : Ratatouille. The chef calls the ratatouille 'Basil' because he puts quite a lot of basil in it.

  Manuel : He put Basil in the ratatouille?

  Polly : Yes!

  Manuel : ARGGGHHHHHHHH!

  [Manuel runs off to the kitchen screaming, Polly following] 

  Sybil Fawlty : [charmingly to Mr. Carnegie]  He's from Barcelona.

• Basil Fawlty : Do sit down, Mr. Carnegie.

  Sybil Fawlty : He just has, Basil.

  Mr. Carnegie : On a plate of veal.

  Basil Fawlty : Has it put you off?

  Mr. Carnegie : What?

  Basil Fawlty : Has it put you off the veal, at all?

  Mr. Carnegie : Well, I'm not eating THAT one if THAT'S what you mean!

• [Basil finds someone going through the food in the kitchen] 

  Basil Fawlty : Sybil, may I introduce the gentleman who's just opened the self-service department here. Mr...?

  Mr. Carnegie : Carnegie.

  Basil Fawlty : Mr. Carnegie, the scavenger gourmet from...?

  Mr. Carnegie : The Public Health department.

• Mr. Carnegie : The only "gourmets" you'll find scavenging in THIS kitchen will be Kamikaze ones.

• Mr. Carnegie : I couldn't help noticing you had some veal over here...

  Basil Fawlty : Veal?

  Sybil Fawlty : Yes, it's Dutch.

  Basil Fawlty : Well, it's not Dutch, actually. It's, uh, Norwegian.

  Sybil Fawlty : Norwegian?

  Basil Fawlty : Yes. Not the absolute apex, quite honestly.

  Sybil Fawlty : Terry, the veal is Dutch, isn't it?

  Terry : Norwegian, Mrs. Fawlty.

  Mr. Carnegie : I've been in this business 20 years, I've never heard of Norwegian veal.

  Basil Fawlty : Well, they've only just branched into it. You know, I don't think it's a winner, frankly, more of a veal substitute. It's got a lot of air pockets in it, that sort of thing.

• Basil Fawlty : The lamb is Dutch.

  Mr. Carnegie : Dutch?

  Basil Fawlty : Well, English, I mean. We call it Dutch 'cause it's as good as the veal. It's better, quite honestly.

• Mr. Carnegie : [reacting to the sound of gunshots]  God! What was that?

  Basil Fawlty : Bloody television exploding again. I'll deal with it, you go upstairs.

  Mr. Carnegie : That was a gun!

  Sybil Fawlty : Yes, it did sound like it, didn't it?