Frasier (TV Series)

A Crane's Critique (1996)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Niles : Oh my God. It is T.H. Houghton. We're a stone's throw away from one of the giants of American literature.

  Roz : Not the way you throw.

• [Niles notices Roz checking out a man] 

  Niles : Are you quite finished undressing him with your eyes?

  Roz : Oh, please. I'm already looking for my stockings and trying to remember where I parked my car.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles! What fortuitous timing. Er... you know the wine shop just called a moment ago? It seems they're down to their last two cases of the '82 Chambolle-Musigny, so why don't you dash right down there and stack it all up?

  Niles : Okay.

  [just as the door is about to shut on him] 

  Niles : Hold it!

  [looks suspiciously at Frasier] 

  Niles : You know very well that in 1982 there was a drought in Bourgogne. The locals dubbed it "The Year of the Raisin." And that wine was never sold by the case, only by the bottle

  [forces his way in] 

  Niles : T.H. Houghton is here, isn't he?

• [Niles sees an author that he and Frasier idolized] 

  Roz : Well, why don't you go over and introduce yourself?

  Niles : I can't just walk up to a god like that.

  Roz : Well, find a subtler way.

  Niles : In your vernacular that would be what? To slingshot your panties across the street?

• Niles : [examining his coffee outside Cafe Nervosa]  Is it me or is the foam a tad dense today?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Like a dreary fog on a Scottish moor.

  Niles : Rather than accent, it overwhelms. Rather than flirt, it assaults.

  Martin Crane : Rather than watching the ballgame, I have to listen to this.

• Niles : Ooh excellent, excellent. What wine would most enhance the experience?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No, Niles. Wine might dull our faculties. Perhaps instead a slow sipping cordial would be the proper garnish.

  Niles : Sherry?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Armagnac.

  Niles : Oh, well see? That's why you're the older brother.