- Roz Doyle: I don't mind the hamster dying, but I don't know how to break the news to Alice, she never had anything die before.
- Daphne Moon: How did your parents break it to you?
- Roz Doyle: The wrong way. When I was 6, I had a canary that died, and that night my dad sat on my bed and told me that dying is just going to sleep and never waking up. Then he turned out the light and said 'Goodnight'.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I think this rock may be the murder weapon.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Why that rock instead of any of the other rocks down there?
- Dr. Niles Crane: It's pointier than the others.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, may I get a double latte please, one shot of decaf espresso, one shot of regular espresso, with some steamed low-fat milk and some non-fat foam?
- James the Barista: Sure.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: He didn't even blink an eye. The man's unflappable!
- Daphne Moon: He's amazing, isn't he?
- Dr. Niles Crane: He made me a chai spice ristretto americano con panna as if people had been drinking them for centuries!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Truly this is a golden age.
- Dr. Niles Crane: [after finding a skull] Perhaps it's a builder who got trapped during construction, or an exterminator who was overcome with fumes.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Excellent hypotheses, Niles. But unfortunately, neither is plausible.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Why not?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Because, Niles, when you die, your head doesn't pop off like a champagne cork!
- Dr. Niles Crane: I'm Niles Crane, this is my brother, Frasier, and our dad. Do you remember?
- Lasskopf: [looks at Frasier] Nope.
- [looks at Niles]
- Lasskopf: Nope.
- [looks at Martin]
- Lasskopf: You sort of look familiar.
- Martin Crane: I should, paid you rent for ten years, left the place in perfect condition, and you never gave me back my security deposit.
- Lasskopf: Nope, don't remember you either.
- Young Niles: [throws a skull down and hits Frasier on the head with it] I'm sorry, Frasier, are you all right?
- Young Frasier: No, you cracked my skull!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Remember how they were always fighting? And then suddenly she stopped coming around.
- Dr. Niles Crane: I thought that was because they split up.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Did they? Or did *he*... split *her* up?
- Roz Doyle: I just bought Alice a new hamster and it kept me up all night running around on that squeaky damn wheel.
- Daphne Moon: Why don't you get it a quieter wheel?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Or oil the squeak?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Or take the wheel out at night?
- James the Barista: Or put the cage in another room? - followed by a wry smile
- Roz Doyle: Where were you all at 3 this morning, when I was trying to shove a Sominex into a carrot?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Can we establish a motive?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Not without knowing the identity of the victim.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Very good.