- Dr. Niles Crane: [to Frasier] There he is the man who floats like a lepidoptera and stings like a hymenoptera.
- Daphne: [to Frasier] I want you to know that your assertiveness inspired me. For weeks now, some louse has been removing my wet clothes from the washer and leaving them on the table in a soggy mess. This morning, I decided to get my revenge. So I took off my new red panties and I popped them in with his whites.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Bravo, Daphne. Good for you. God, I wish I'd been there.
- Frasier: Daphne, don't you think you were overreacting just a bit?
- Daphne: Absolutely not. Those were my panties and I wasn't afraid to use them!
- [Niles bites down on his fist]
- Frasier: People of Seattle! Listen to me! We are not barbarians! We are not Neanderthals and we are NOT FRENCH!
- Frasier: [about Niles's fall in the Cafe Nervosa] My god, Niles, that was brilliant! You even got a tear in your eye!
- Dr. Niles Crane: I landed on a fork.
- [Frasier is being saluted as a hero]
- Dr. Niles Crane: [sulkily] No one's ever given me the thumbs-up.
- Frasier: Well, Niles, I've driven on the freeway with you. The rest of the hand has been well-represented.
- Frasier: Look, Dad, would you mind terribly if I used the TV tonight? I went to three video stores to get this tape. I'm just dying to see it.
- Martin Crane: [who's been watching a "funniest home videos" show] Sure, go ahead. How many times can you watch a dog get hit with a swinging door?
- Frasier: [eyeing Eddie] Depends on the dog.
- Frasier: [Opening his radio show] Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. Who's on the line, Roz?
- Roz Doyle: We have Mitch on line three. He's having trouble with his neighbors.
- Frasier: Hello, Mitch.
- Mitch: Make that *had* trouble. This idiot next door had his leaf-blower going at 7:00am, again
- Frasier: Oh, that's very inconsiderate.
- Mitch: Yeah, I'll say. That's why I decided to give him an "etiquette lesson." I grabbed that leaf-blower and smashed it against a tree.
- [Frasier is taken aback by this. Roz, however, seems amused]
- Frasier: Mitch, I must say I'm stunned. I can't imagine a more extreme response to such a minor infraction.
- Frasier: Somebody parked in my space again and I had to park six blocks from here and sprint the whole way. By the end my tweed pants were giving off so many sparks I almost caught myself on fire.
- [after Niles's fall]
- Frasier: Oh, Niles. Niles, I'm here for you. I promise we're going to get you the best care that THIS MAN'S MONEY CAN BUY!
- [while Frasier's upstairs neighbor is playing loud rock music]
- Martin Crane: I'm gonna take a nap.
- Frasier: Dad, you can't possibly expect to sleep in this racket.
- Martin Crane: Are you kidding? I've slept through worse than this. In Korea I dropped off in a foxhole right outside P'Anmunjom. By the time I woke up the cease-fire was over and I was the only one who didn't know about it. Talk about having egg on your face.