- Cam Winston: Listen, Crane: You may have bamboozled the condo board, but we both know you just want more room to swing your fat ass into that BMW.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Cam, if there is any benefit to me, it is the cleaner air which we will all now breathe.
- Cam Winston: Oh, get off your high horse. You do your share of polluting with that substitute for masculinity you're driving.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: If mine's a substitute for masculinity, then what is yours?
- Cam Winston: Bigger!
- Daphne: Where are we supposed to put all this? I cleared out two drawers; this'll fill two closets.
- Niles: Well, we said we'd both bring whatever we needed for any eventuality.
- Daphne: Isn't there anything you can leave behind?
- Niles: I don't see how. I have formal, semi-formal, déshabille, wet weather, cold weather, cloudy. I mean, if there's something here you find excessive, jump right in.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You should have been at the condo-board meeting, Dad. You missed all the excitement.
- Martin Crane: Don't tell me: People argued about some dumb building policy and then you all had cookies.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Not this time. I gave the greatest speech of my condo-board career, which led to a vote, which led to the ruling that Cam Winston must now park that SUV monstrosity of his in the subbasement.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Then, we had cookies.
- [discussing Daphne and Niles' moving in together]
- Martin Crane: Well, I guess from now on it's just you and I.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: "You and me," Dad.
- Martin Crane: This is gonna be great.
- Martin Crane: Hey, you better not let Frasier see you wipe your hands on the couch. He's mad enough that you ate that stuff that he puts on his face.
- Simon Moon: I'm telling you, it was marmalade.
- Niles: In the last five days, that woman has made my life a living hell.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You wanna trade? Simon put my sixty-five-dollar apricot skin polish on his muffins!
- Simon Moon: Don't cry, mum. I really though this junket to America would cheer you up.
- Niles: It still can. Go away.
- [Daphne gives Niles a weird look]
- Niles: I mean... Get out there, and see the country.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, that is a splendid idea. This land is rich with snow covered mountains, sun kissed beaches... wild, untamed rivers and a-a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States, this... America.
- [an American flag unfurls outside Frasier's window]
- Niles: How did you do that?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [Frasier fumes silently and runs to the door] Cam Winston!
- Cam Winston: [Cam has just parked his monstrous SUV, blocking Frasier's car door] Hello, Frasier. Still driving a sedan?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, at least mine fits in the allotted space. Unlike this new... behemoth you're driving.
- Cam Winston: Actually, it's the Behemoth XL.
- [Roz and Daphne are shocked at how much clothing Niles intends to take to Daphne's]
- Niles: Well, uh, I guess I could do without this dressing gown. Oh, but, what if I'm wearing dark pajamas?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, I am an orator. It is not only that which is said, but the passion with which it is said.
- Martin Crane: You're saying it now and it just sounds like a lot of hooey.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: That's because I'm not orating right now.
- Martin Crane: You think that's smart, ticking off the guy that lives right above us?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Dad, we are protected by this building's constitution. Believe me, I will have Cam cited for a noise violation if he so much as drops a hint.
- [the phone rings and Daphne answers]
- Daphne: Hello?... Oh, Mum.... Yeah, I'm sorry; I've been meaning to call, but Dr. Crane yells at me whenever I phone long distance.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I do not!
- Martin Crane: Let her say whatever she needs to.
- Daphne: Yeah, and poor old Mr. Crane is so feeble, he can't even make it to the loo by himself.
- Martin Crane: Hey!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles, will you relax? You always make a good first impression.
- Niles: Second impression - the first impression, I made when I kidnapped their daughter from her wedding.
- Gertrude Moon: Daphne, dear, I finally figured out what's wrong with your outfit: It's made for a smaller woman.
- Gertrude Moon: Niles, be a dear and get me a pillow for my head. Oh, and I wouldn't get too settled in; you'll need to take me home soon so I can take my medicine.
- Niles: I thought I suggested you bring that with you.
- Gertrude Moon: Daphne, dear, aren't you lucky to be dating a man who's always right?
- [Mrs. Moon just announced that her husband left her]
- Daphne: Oh, Mum, it can't be. I'm sure he just got sidetracked on his way home from the pub.
- Gertrude Moon: Well, I thought that myself for the first week! But, no, he's gone for good.
- Gertrude Moon: Simon Moon, bite your tongue! My baby girl's a virgin. Isn't that so, Daphne?
- Daphne: Of course, Mum.
- Gertrude Moon: It's you that'll have your leg over any filth that moves.
- Simon Moon: I don't care if they're movin'.
- Niles: Sometimes I think this is too much space for just one person.
- [pause]
- Niles: You know...
- Daphne: Yes?
- Niles: You could live here.
- Daphne: Are you asking me?
- Niles: Would you like to?
- Daphne: Would you like me to?
- Niles: Yeah.
- Daphne: Then, I will.
- Niles: 'Kay.
- [pause]
- Niles: Wow!
- [both begin giggling giddily]
- Daphne: I'm gonna live in your apartment!
- Niles: Our apartment.
- Daphne: Our apartment. Oh, my, I'm gonna have to practice saying that. "Let's go back to our apartment."
- Niles: "Why don't we meet at our apartment?"
- Daphne: "Oh, my, our apartment has a gas leak."
- Niles: "Oh, no! Our apartment's going to explode!"
- Daphne: "Oh, no! There goes our apartment."