Frasier (TV Series)

Out with Dad (2000)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• [Martin pretends to be Niles's boyfriend to fend off a gay man's advances] 

  Frasier : I have never been so embarrassed in my life.

  Niles : You're embarrassed? They think the best I can do is an old man with a cane.

• [Martin is pretending to be gay] 

  Frasier : So, Niles, actually, you missed a splendid evening at the opera.

  Niles : Well, maybe I can catch it this weekend with Mel.

  Martin : Oh, and who's Mel?

  Niles : Damn you and your jealous questions! You don't own me.

• [Niles cancels his night at the opera with Frasier to spend the evening with Mel] 

  Frasier : I am surprised by your gall! At the last moment, you not only bail on me, you expect me to give up my own ticket?

  Niles : Please, Frasier, put yourself in my shoes. I have to do something for Mel. Every restaurant in town has been booked for weeks. I ran into Archie Wilfong today. He told me he had to settle for two seats at the counter at The Salad Experience! What would you suggest I do?

  Frasier : Bring your own wine and order the Spicy Caesar!

• Martin : Is she here yet?

  Frasier : No, not yet. That's her box over there, the empty one.

  Martin : Well, I'm not going to sit through a whole opera for some woman who's not even here.

  Frasier : Oh, for God's sake, Dad, give it a chance. You might actually learn to like it if you'd listen to one.

  Martin : Hey, your mother dragged to me a lot of these things when we were dating and they were all stupid. These stories make no sense whatsoever.

  Frasier : Oh, that is not true!

  Martin : Oh, all right, what's this one about?

  Frasier : Well, it's about Rigoletto, the hunchbacked jester in the court of the Duke. He has a daughter, Gilda, who's secretly living with him. But everyone thinks that she's his mistress. In this opening scene, Rigoletto mocks the Duke's enemy, who puts a curse on him.

  Martin : A cursed hunchback dating his daughter - well, nothing screwy so far!

• Frasier : He goes too far!

  Roz Doyle : Yeah, some nerve, ditching you to spend Valentine's Day with his girlfriend.

  Martin : Look, Frasier, I don't blame you for being a little jealous because he's got someone and you don't...

  Frasier : I am not jealous, Dad! I am simply appalled by his rudeness. I was looking forward to this evening. A nice drink, lovely opera, then a late supper... perhaps a beautiful bottle of wine... a delightful dessert souffle... oh, God, I need a woman.

• Daphne : How was the opera?

  Frasier : Lovely. Get out!

  [turns off the TV] 

  Roz Doyle : Hey, that movie's not over!

  Frasier : That's too bad, Roz. There's a stunning woman on her way over here, I don't want her thinking I'm running some kind of maudlin sorority house. Now come on, shake a leg!

  Roz Doyle : You actually spoke to her? You didn't wimp out?

  Frasier : You have never seen me so suave.

  Roz Doyle : Oh, some Valentine's Day! First my date bails on me and now I owe Daphne fifty bucks!