Frasier (TV Series)

The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl (1995)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Quotes 

• Niles : Oh, look at the time! I, er, have a session with my multiple personality. Not to worry. If I'm late, he can just talk amongst himself.

• [Martin and Daphne are playing dominoes and listening to the radio] 

  Announcer : In local news, Congressman Robert Gill was accused of taking bribes from a waste treatment facility. Asked to comment, the Congressman said...

  [Frasier's voice cuts in] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes! YES! I am a bad boy, aren't I, you dirty girl! Come to your bad boy, oh *yes*...!

  [Martin and Daphne stare at the radio; cut to Niles, listening to this in his car] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, no! Is that the on-air light?

  Kate Costas : Stop talking.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You must have hit the switch with your elbow while we were...

  Kate Costas : Stop talking.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : We'd better hurry up and get dressed before...

  Niles : STOP TALKING!

  [distracted, he looks up, and brakes hard, but crashes into the car in front of him] 

• Niles : [to Frasier]  I listened to your program as I was driving home last night. Here's a bill to replace the front grille of my Mercedes and another to repair the back bumper of some wretched little domestic car.

• Niles : 'Course, it's been no picnic for those of us who share your name. My Maris took it particularly hard. When I left this morning, she was ordering new stationery with an accent aigu over the 'e' in our name. Hereafter, her memos will read, From the desk of Maris Crané.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm sorry, Niles, it's just... I'm meeting Kate here. We want to discuss the little dilemma in which we find ourselves.

  Niles : If you're talking about the little kiss you two shared, that hardly constitutes a dilemma. It's not as if you plunged into a tawdry office affair.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : No.

  Niles : Then you'd have a real problem.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes.

  Niles : A kiss? It's nothing.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [looking somewhat uncomfortable]  Right.

  Niles : Had sex with her, didn't you?

• Daphne Moon : Hello, Dr Crane.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Daphne.

  [the doorbell rings] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm not here.

  Daphne Moon : Yes. Your father's not here either. It's so nice having the whole house to myself.

  Niles : [She opens the door to Niles]  Daphne.

  Daphne Moon : Oh, how lovely. Now the whole family's not here.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : One minute we were negotiating, the next minute our inhibitions were shattered, along with my kneecap and her Macintosh PowerBook.

  Niles : [surprised]  This happened in her office?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes.

  Niles : What are you saying? Her couch folds out?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : We used her desk.

  Niles : Her DESK folds out?