Frasier (TV Series)

The Candidate (1994)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• [At his apartment, Frasier is filming a political ad for Phil Patterson. Frasier is sitting in a chair facing towards the balcony, then slowly turns around to face the camera] 

  Frasier : Oh, hello there. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. Many of you know me from my radio show, but today I'm speaking to you as a concerned citizen.

  [standing up] 

  Frasier : As a mental health expert, I've been listening to what my good friend Phil Patterson has to say. I like the way his mind works. He's a visionary, and he cares about the little people. That's why I'm proud to say that I'm behind Phil Patterson for Congress.

  [Phil Patterson walks up to Frasier and shakes his hand] 

  Phil Patterson : Thanks, Frasier.

  [facing camera] 

  Phil Patterson : Together, we can live the dream.

  Frasier : Phil Patterson: the sane choice.

• Frasier : [to Phil Patterson]  Yes, you know, I feel very lucky living here. I'd like to say I feel lucky to be a part of your campaign as well.

  Phil Patterson : Oh, it's me who's lucky. It's quite a boost for an underdog to get an endorsement from Frasier Crane.

  Frasier : Oh, I don't know if my name carries that much weight.

  Phil Patterson : Oh, come on, people love you. I've listened to your show. To tell the truth, I've even thought of calling in.

  Frasier : Really? What for?

  Phil Patterson : [hesitates]  Oh, it's... kind of sensitive.

  Frasier : Listen, Phil, as a psychiatrist, anything you tell me will be kept in the strictest confidence.

  [Phil still hesitates. They both stare out at the night sky, not facing each other] 

  Frasier : You know, it's funny how the more you bottle things up inside, the bigger they seem to be.

  Phil Patterson : Well, I've never told anybody this before, but... okay, here goes. Six years ago... I was abducted by aliens.

  [Frasier is shocked by this revelation and slowly turns his head to face Phil] 

  Frasier : Aliens?

  Phil Patterson : They transported me up to their spaceship for a kind of conference. They're very concerned about what we're doing to our planet.

  [Frasier stares at Phil] 

  Phil Patterson : Hey, you were right. Now that I've said it out loud, it doesn't seem like that big a deal.

  Frasier : No...

• [Frasier is once again filming the political commercial just a few minutes after Phil Patterson's revelation. Like before, Frasier is sitting in the chair facing towards the balcony] 

  Director : We're rolling. And... action.

  [Frasier turns around in his chair to face the camera, this time with a horrified look on his face] 

  Frasier : Hello, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane. Many of you know me from my radio show but today I'm speaking to you as a concerned citizen... a deeply concerned citizen.

  [Niles looks at Frasier confused] 

  Frasier : As a mental health expert, I've been listening to what my good friend Phil Patterson has to say.

  [standing up] 

  Frasier : I like the way his mind works. He's a visionary, and he cares about...

  [whimpering] 

  Frasier : ... The little people.

  [Daphne and Martin also look confused] 

  Frasier : That's why I'm proud to say that I'm behind Phil Patterson for Congress.

  [Phil walks up to Frasier, who jumps back in fear this time] 

  Phil Patterson : Thanks, Frasier.

  [shakes his hand and faces the camera] 

  Phil Patterson : Together, we can live the dream.

  Frasier : Phil Patterson:

  [almost in tears] 

  Frasier : The sane choice.

  Director : Okay, cut it!

  Frasier : God, I'm burning up!

  [Frasier makes a mad dash to the powder room to get a washcloth] 

• Holden Thorpe : So a guy like you, unmarried, didn't serve his country, sees fit to criticize a patriotic family man who fought in the battle of Grenada. I went in on the first wave, by the way.

  Frasier : On a surfboard, I suppose.

• Frasier : [on air]  Hello, Seattle. I'm back. This is Dr. Frasier Crane and I have just learned during the commercial break that it has become public knowledge that Phil Patterson, candidate for Congress, believes in aliens from outer space.

  [Roz looks up, stunned] 

  Frasier : [continuing]  Not only does he believe in them, he believes he has met with them. That he was beamed aboard their spaceship for a little interplanetary tête-à-tête.

  [Roz shakes her head at him to stop] 

  Frasier : Shocked? Well, all right.

  [Roz knocks on the glass, he ignores her] 

  Frasier : But I say, let's ask ourselves these questions. Has this...

  [Roz keeps pounding on the glass and slashes a finger across her throat, urging for Frasier to stop. He waves her off and continues] 

  Frasier : ...harmless delusion, most likely brought on by overwork and sleep deprivation, adversely affected his voting record in any way? I ask you, and I say no. What great leader doesn't have his quirks? Ronald Reagan saw an astrologist. General Patton believed in reincarnation. Even J. Edgar Hoover let his slip show once in a while!

  [Roz finally gives up and begins to pluck her eyebrows] 

  Frasier : People, we're talking about a great leader here! We shouldn't concern ourselves with these minor eccentricities. What's important - what really counts - is what's in here... I'm pointing at my chest now.

  [Roz rolls her eyes and buries her face in her hands as the scene fades out] 

• Niles : Frasier, may I see you in the kitchen?

  [Frasier and Niles head for the kitchen] 

  Niles : What's going on in there? You look like a zombie!

  Frasier : Oh God, Niles! I've got something I'd really like to get off my chest.

  [sits at a bar stool] 

  Frasier : But if I told you I'd be violating a doctor-patient confidence.

  Niles : Oh, I see. Well, nothing is more sacrosanct than our professional ethics.

  [sits opposite Frasier] 

  Niles : Fortunately, I know a trick to get around them. For the next few minutes, I'll be your psychiatrist, and then you can spill your guts with impunity.

  Frasier : Well, it's borderline, but I'm desperate!

  Niles : All right.

  Frasier : Just now, on the balcony, Phil Patterson told me that he had been... abducted by aliens.

  [Niles stares] 

  Frasier : Apparently, he was beamed up to the mother ship, for a little interplanetary chitchat!

  [Niles leans around to look outside the kitchen. He then leans back to look at Frasier] 

  Niles : This is bad, isn't it?

• Martin Crane : All right, now. Quiet, it's getting ready to start.

  Niles : You dragged us over here to see a commercial for Holden Thorpe?

  Martin Crane : Shh!

  Frasier : The man is a fascist. He's like Himmler without the whimsy.

• Roz : Don't you both owe each other an apology?

  Frasier : Well, yes! But I was the first to apologize last time. Oh wait, that means it's his turn! Oh, goody, I can be mature about this!

  [Frasier goes to Niles's table] 

  Frasier : Niles.

  Niles : Frasier.

  Frasier : After last night's behavior, I believe an apology is in order.

  Niles : I agree... Well?

  Frasier : "Well," what?

  Niles : It's your turn. I apologized first last time.

  Frasier : No, you didn't!

  Niles : I did so! I distinctly remember. It was after that shouting match at the Monet exhibit. I had my secretary leave a heartfelt apology with your service.

  Frasier : So you did. That means it is my turn again... Damn!