Frasier (TV Series)

The Love You Fake (2002)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Quotes 

• Martin Crane : [after letting Cam think they slept together]  Do you think we went too far?

  Cora Winston : Not yet!

• Cora Winston : Why would they want to drag us into their feud?

  Martin Crane : They're so much alike, you'd think they'd get along.

  Cora Winston : I think they're worried if *we* became friends, they would at least have to *try* and be nice to each other.

  Martin Crane : We ought to get married, that'd really show 'em.

  Cora Winston : [laughs]  It'd be worth it just to see the looks on their faces.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Yes, all the pieces suddenly fit.

  Martin Crane : What is it?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : It's a bill from Cam. Apparently turning off his water has ruined the clothes that were in his washing machine. Those clothes were already ruined just by being on Cam Winston!

  Martin Crane : Well, then don't pay him. Have another fight.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : The battle is joined. I will not let that--that Mata Hari

  [referring to Cora Winston] 

  Dr. Frasier Crane : drag you into this. From this day forward, no more Winstons in this, my house!

• Daphne Moon : I've done some calculating, and in the last nine years, I've carried 2.8 tons of laundry approximately 106.4 miles back and forth to the basement. That's the same as carrying an SUV on my back to Canada!

  Martin Crane : Maybe we should ask him to buy a washer-dryer.

  Daphne Moon : Oh, there's an idea! I was going to suggest moving the apartment closer to the laundry room.

• Cam Winston : My mother's a vet and she happens to be staying with me. I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking a look... even if it is Frasier's dog.

  Martin Crane : He's mine. Frasier can't stand him.

  Daphne Moon : When he's healthy he jumps on Dr. Crane's bed, drools on his pillow, chews on his slippers...

  Cam Winston : Really? We've got to get this little rascal back on his feet!

• Cora Winston : I always thought border collies were the smartest dogs.

  Martin Crane : [laughs]  I can tell you don't know much about dogs. What were you, a zoo doctor?

  Cora Winston : No, I just treated pets, and their owners' egos.

  Martin Crane : Tell me about it, cat people.

• Martin Crane : I can't believe we're doing this, it's terrible.

  Cora Winston : I know, isn't it great?

• Martin Crane : [Carrying a treat for Eddie the dog]  Well, gosh! What did I just find in my pocket? Is that tri-tip with peanut butter? It is!

  Daphne Moon : [Eddie ignores Martin]  Hmm, no luck? He's definitely coming down with something.

  Martin Crane : Well, I guess I'm going to have to eat these myself.

  Daphne Moon : Good idea. Reverse psychology!

  Martin Crane : [munching on the dog treat]  What do you mean?