- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, Joe has found the source of the leak in my ceiling. It is Cam Winston's brand new washing machine! By God, for this time he's gone too far! As if his noise and noxious presence at the condo board meetings weren't bad enough. Have you ever heard of anything more fury inspiring?
- Daphne Moon: I certainly have not. Imagine the cheek of the man, installing an illegal washer-dryer.
- Joe: Oh, they're not illegal. A lot of the units have them. You guys have a hookup in the hall closet where you keep all those hats...
- [Daphne glares at Frasier]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: First of all, I had completely forgotten about the hookup. Second of all, I believe the homburg is poised for a comeback,
- [Frasier angrily confronts Daphne about his missing socks]
- Daphne Moon: I'm sorry, Dr. Crane. I'm forced to do the laundry downstairs, and I guess your socks are just too tempting to the neighbors. Of course, you're welcome to go down there yourself and stand guard.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I see. But if we had our own washer-dryer, there would be no more lost socks. I will not be strong- armed by threats against my laundry!
- Daphne Moon: Suit yourself. I'm off to do a load of your pinks.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [confused] I don't have any pinks.
- Daphne Moon: You will!
- [Frasier and Cam are writing out the terms of their "friendship."]
- Cam Winston: Fine, I will arrange an introduction to my sweater weaver.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Good, thank you.
- Cam Winston: But, then I must insist on the formula for your bath blend.
- [Frasier considers that for a moment, while he sips a glass of sherry]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I think we were closer on an earlier draft.
- Cam Winston: Concur.
- Dr. Niles Crane: [riding in on a segway] Greetings, foot people! How are things back in the 20th Century?
- Martin Crane: [after letting Cam think they slept together] Do you think we went too far?
- Cora Winston: Not yet!
- Cora Winston: Why would they want to drag us into their feud?
- Martin Crane: They're so much alike, you'd think they'd get along.
- Cora Winston: I think they're worried if *we* became friends, they would at least have to *try* and be nice to each other.
- Martin Crane: We ought to get married, that'd really show 'em.
- Cora Winston: [laughs] It'd be worth it just to see the looks on their faces.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Yes, all the pieces suddenly fit.
- Martin Crane: What is it?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's a bill from Cam. Apparently turning off his water has ruined the clothes that were in his washing machine. Those clothes were already ruined just by being on Cam Winston!
- Martin Crane: Well, then don't pay him. Have another fight.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: The battle is joined. I will not let that--that Mata Hari
- [referring to Cora Winston]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: drag you into this. From this day forward, no more Winstons in this, my house!
- Daphne Moon: I've done some calculating, and in the last nine years, I've carried 2.8 tons of laundry approximately 106.4 miles back and forth to the basement. That's the same as carrying an SUV on my back to Canada!
- Martin Crane: Maybe we should ask him to buy a washer-dryer.
- Daphne Moon: Oh, there's an idea! I was going to suggest moving the apartment closer to the laundry room.
- Cora Winston: Hello, Daphne, Martin. I just came by to check on my patient.
- Daphne Moon: Oh, he's much better. I'm off to do the laundry.
- Cora Winston: You don't have your own here?
- Daphne Moon: ...No. We have a hat museum.
- Cam Winston: My mother's a vet and she happens to be staying with me. I'm sure she wouldn't mind taking a look... even if it is Frasier's dog.
- Martin Crane: He's mine. Frasier can't stand him.
- Daphne Moon: When he's healthy he jumps on Dr. Crane's bed, drools on his pillow, chews on his slippers...
- Cam Winston: Really? We've got to get this little rascal back on his feet!
- Roz Doyle: You seem like you've been in a lousy mood lately.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: It's just that they put soy milk in my latte. I don't like soy milk. If it doesn't come from a teat or an udder, it isn't milk!
- Cora Winston: I always thought border collies were the smartest dogs.
- Martin Crane: [laughs] I can tell you don't know much about dogs. What were you, a zoo doctor?
- Cora Winston: No, I just treated pets, and their owners' egos.
- Martin Crane: Tell me about it, cat people.
- Martin Crane: [Carrying a treat for Eddie the dog] Well, gosh! What did I just find in my pocket? Is that tri-tip with peanut butter? It is!
- Daphne Moon: [Eddie ignores Martin] Hmm, no luck? He's definitely coming down with something.
- Martin Crane: Well, I guess I'm going to have to eat these myself.
- Daphne Moon: Good idea. Reverse psychology!
- Martin Crane: [munching on the dog treat] What do you mean?