Frasier (TV Series)

The Matchmaker (1994)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Frasier tries to comfort Daphne who's unhappy with her love life] 

  Frasier : I know how bleak these times can be, but believe me, they will come to an end sometime or later. I remember a time back in Boston, I was going through exactly what you're going through now. Just a week later I met a lovely barmaid, sophisticated if a bit loquacious. We fell madly in love and we got engaged... 'course, she left me standing at the altar. But the point is, I didn't give up. I took my poor battered heart and handed it to Lilith... who put it in her little Cuisinart and hit the purée button. But I rebounded! And look how far I've come. I'm divorced, lonely, and living with my father.

• Frasier : [on Daphne]  She's just having trouble finding men.

  Roz : [whips out her little black book]  Say no more!

  Frasier : No, Roz, Roz, it's really not necessary. You do not have to donate one of your boyfriends to Daphne.

  Roz : Oh, come on, I'd be happy to.

  Frasier : But still, one hates to break up a collection.

  [Niles brings coffees] 

  Roz : Oh, here we go! Sven Bachman, he's an aerobics instructor.

  Frasier : I don't think so.

  Roz : Oh, this one's perfect! Gunther Dietrich. He's loads of fun, and he's a runway model.

  Frasier : A German narcissist. Now there's an appealing combination.

  Roz : Okay, okay, I'll keep looking.

  Niles : Looking for what?

  Roz : I'm helping Frasier find a man for Daphne.

  Niles : What?

  Roz : Here we go! He's a tennis instructor, and his name is Brick.

  Niles : Dear God, Frasier - Sven, Gunther, Brick? Why not just lather Daphne up with baby oil and hurl her over the wall of a prison yard?

  Roz : Excuse me, but I've dated all these guys.

  Niles : Well, where do you think I came up with the imagery?

  Roz : [furious]  Listen, you little titmouse...!

  Frasier : All right! Niles, you are completely out of line here. And Roz, he does have a point. You and Daphne are entirely different kinds of women. While Daphne is very shy and inexperienced, you are more... well, a lot more... well, actually it's hard to find anyone who's more...

  Roz : Oh, I get it! Not one man I've ever dated is good enough for Miss Daphne, is that what you're trying to say?

  Frasier : No, it's what I'm trying not to say, and you're not making it very easy.

  Roz : [getting up]  Oh, I'm out of here.

  Frasier : Oh, Roz, please wait.

  Roz : [storming out]  Oh no, I can't stay, the FLEET IS IN!

• Tom Duran : [after realizing Niles is not gay]  So this Maris he keeps talking about is really a woman?

  Frasier : Well, the jury's still out on that one.

• Daphne : It's me love life.

  Frasier : Really? You've been seeing a man?

  Daphne : Only when I close me eyes and concentrate.

• Frasier : Just keep in mind, Tom is just a co-worker who's coming by for a pleasant little dinner. If some sparks should ignite, then fine, but there is no pressure, absolutely no pressure... is that what you're wearing?

  Daphne Moon : Why, what's wrong with it?

  Frasier : Don't you have something with a little more oomph? Oh, what about that, that strapless number you have?

  Daphne Moon : Do you have any idea how uncomfortable a strapless bra is?

  Frasier : Well, thanks to my fraternity days, as a matter of fact I do.

• Frasier : That's my brother, Niles. He's a little... how would you describe Niles, Dad?

  Martin : I usually just change the subject.

• Frasier : [after the fire alarm has gone off, Eddie bounds into the room carrying a pack of cigarettes]  I see, what have we here? Eddie, you've been smoking in Daphne's bedroom. Bad Dog!

• Frasier : Don't take this wrong, but it never even occurred to me that you might be gay.

  Tom Duran : Well, it never even occurred to me that you might be straight.

• Tom Duran : Does this mean your dad's not gay, either?

  Frasier : No, no, dad's not gay.

  Tom Duran : But Niles - come on!

  [laughs] 

• Niles : There's something I have to tell you. Dad wanted to, but I won the coin toss.

  Frasier : Yes, what is it?

  Niles : Well, I had a little chat with Tom in the kitchen, and he told me he's interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, BUT the object of his affections is not Daphne.

  Frasier : Damn that Roz!

  Niles : No, no. It's YOU.

  Frasier : Me? That's impossible. Tom's not gay.

  Niles : He seems to be under that impression.

  Frasier : Well... what on earth could have made him think that I was interested in him? All I did was ask him if he was attached, and then we talked about the theater, and men's fashions - oh, my god. Niles, do you realize what this means?

  Niles : Yes, you're dating your boss. You, of all people, should know the pitfalls of an office relationship.

  Frasier : Yes, but you know, he didn't say anything. He just never mentioned the fact that...

  Niles : I'll call you tomorrow, but not too early, of course.

• Daphne Moon : Does he ask permission first? Oh no, he just barges in and says he's set me up with God-knows-who, and I'm supposed to turn cartwheels like I'm bloody Cinderella.

  Frasier : Will you please relax? Look, I told you, this is not a set-up. Tom doesn't even know you'll be here.

  Daphne Moon : Oh, an ambush then. Much nicer! My girlfriends in Manchester used to set me up all the time. And it was always some gangly bounder with a boarding-house reach. And he wasn't going for the Coleman's Hot Mustard, if you know what I mean.

• Frasier : Tom, I'd like you to meet Daphne. Daphne this is Tom Duran.

  Tom Duran : [shaking hands]  Pleasure to meet you.

  Daphne Moon : Likewise. Oh, Dr. Crane, you didn't take his coat!

  Frasier : Oh, sorry.

  Daphne Moon : May I?

  [Tom turns around. As Daphne takes his coat, she turns to Frasier and mouths, "HE'S GORGEOUS! THANK YOU, THANK YOU!"] 

• Frasier : And this concludes our test of the Emergency Broadcast System. Had this been a real emergency, your radio would be melting in your hands.

• Niles : There we go--double espresso, and my mocha latte. Do those chocolate shavings look any different to you?

  Frasier : No.

  Niles : Well, they do to me. I think they've switched to an inferior domestic brand.

  [takes a sip and swishes them around like wine] 

  Niles : Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm --waxy.