- Martin: Oh, hey Niles.
- Niles: Hello, Dad. Uhh, looks like we had a little mix-up last night with our bags at the video store.
- Martin: Believe me, I noticed.
- Niles: [gives him the tape] Yes, there you go. At first I was dismayed; I popped in the tape and there was Charles Bronson blowing away street trash. I actually got into it... it was quite suspenseful.
- Martin: Yeah, well, that's the way Duke and I felt about "My Dinner With Andre." Talk about suspense! "Will they order dessert? Will they leave a good tip?"
- [during their separation, Maris visited Niles for their weekly conjugal visit]
- Niles: I've never seen her look so seductive. She wore a clingy gown, crimson lipstick, even earrings, which she tends to avoid as they make her head droop. She pulled me down upon the bed and began playing my spine like a zither. And then, just as things were heating up, she renewed her request that I dismiss Doctor Wilphaum. So tremulous with desire was I that I almost relented, but then I remembered your advice, Frasier, and I said I wouldn't fire the good doctor... at which point Maris told me I wouldn't be firing anything else in the foreseeable future! And she left!
- [the station has hired a tough negotiator, "The Hammer" to renegotiate everyone's contract. Gil's salary has been slashed, but Bebe comes in with Roz, cheering]
- Gil Chesterson: How on earth did you get all that?
- Bebe: Oh, we go way back, the Hammer and I. I know where the bodies are buried.
- [pause]
- Bebe: Usually, that's just a metaphor...
- [Gil enters the cafe in a daze]
- Frasier: Oh, Gil. How did it go with the Hammer?
- Gil Chesterson: You've never seen such cold, dead eyes! It was like bargaining with Nosferatu!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I just wish they'd named the damn bird after someone else.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Gregory Peck, perhaps.
- Dr. Niles Crane: [pointing at flowers on table] That's a striking arrangement.
- Martin Crane: It's from Bebe. After what happened today, she's trying to woo him back.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Birds of Paradise. I suppose that's her idea of floral irony.
- Frasier: You signed with Bebe?
- Roz Doyle: Okay, I know, I should've told you, I just wasn't in the mood for one of your lectures.
- Frasier: I'm not going to give you a lecture. You're entitled to choose whomever you wish to represent you. Someone who's honest, or a woman whose ethics would've raised eyebrows in the court of Caligula!
- Bebe: You wanna see a carcass, chum?
- [grabs Frasier and faces him toward mirror]
- Bebe: Look in the mirror. Look what you've let that man do to you. Your face is riddled with bird bites, your name's a punchline, and your career is five minutes from over, and he's only been your agent for three days! Send him in against the Hammer and you'll be doing fog reports from a lighthouse in Puget Sound!
- Frasier: [about to sign with Bebe] Once you've worked out this thing with the Hammer, maybe you can see what you can do about defusing this bird situation.
- Ben: Oh, you don't have to worry about the crane anymore. The poor thing choked to death this morning. They have no idea who would feed a bird a jawbreaker. Bye, now.
- Frasier: [Frasier turns slowly to Bebe, hopefully and fearfully at once] Bebe, is there any chance it wasn't you?
- Bebe: Oh, darling...
- [looks around, trying to come up with an answer he'll be satisfied with]
- Bebe: There's always a chance.
- Frasier: [ponders] I can live with that.