- Fry: Did you build the Smelloscope?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: No, I remembered that I'd built one last year. Go ahead, try it. You'll find that every heavenly body has its own particular scent. Here, I'll point it at Jupiter.
- Fry: Smells like strawberries.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Exactly. And now, Saturn.
- Fry: Pine needles. Oh, man, this is great... hey, as long as you don't make me smell Uranus.
- Leela: I don't get it.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.
- Fry: Oh. What's it called now?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Urrectum. Here, let me locate it for you.
- Fry: No, no, I, I think I'll just smell around a bit over here.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Behold, the death clock. Simply jam your finger in the hole, and this readout tells you how long you have to live.
- Leela: Does it really work?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Well, it's occasionally off by a few seconds, what with free will and all.
- Fry: Sounds like fun. How long do I have to live?
- [sticks his finger in the hole; the professor looks and whistles]
- Bender: Ooh! Dibs on his CD player!
- Bartholemew Jo-Jo 'Bart' Simpson Doll: [Bender finds a Bart Simpson doll] Eat my shorts.
- Bender: Okay!
- [Eats the doll's shorts]
- Bender: Mmmm... shorts...
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Remarkable. A stench so foul it's right off the funkometer. I dare say, Fry may have discovered the smelliest object in the known universe.
- Bender: Ooh! Name it after me!
- Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: Professor Wernstrom, can you save my city?
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: Of course, but it'll cost you. First, I'll need tenure.
- Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: Done.
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: And a big research grant.
- Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: You got it.
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: Also, access to a lab, and five graduate students, at least three of them Chinese.
- Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: All right, done. What's your plan?
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: What plan? I'm set for life. Au revoir, suckers!
- Leela: That rat! Do something!
- Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: I wish I could, but he's got tenure.
- Documentary Narrator: The repulsive barge circled the Earth for fifty years, and no country would take it, not even that really filthy country. You know the one I mean.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet.
- Hermes: Why can't they go today?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Because tonight's a special night and I want all of you to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium.
- Fry: Wow, I love symposia!
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: It's the event of the scientific season. Every member presents an invention. The best one wins the Academy prize.
- Bender: Sounds boring.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh my, yes.
- Leela: Should we really be celebrating? I mean, what if the second ball of garbage returns to Earth like the first one did?
- Fry: Who cares? That won't be for hundreds of years.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Exactly. It's none of our concern.
- Fry: That's the twentieth century spirit.
- [they have found an internet documentary about the garbage ball]
- Fry: Wow. In my day, the internet was only used to download porn.
- Leela: Actually, that's still the case.
- Scientist #1: Now that the garbage is gone, doctor, perhaps you could help me with my sexual inhibitions.
- Scientist #2: With gusto.
- [documentary music]
- Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: But garbage is not something you just find lying in the streets of Manhattan.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Eureka!
- Fry: Did you build the smellascope ?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: No. It turns out I built one last year.
- [after Professor Farnsworth has saved the city, upstaging his old nemesis Dr. Wernstrom]
- Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: I now present you with the Academy Prize, which was confiscated from Dr. Wernstrom after it became apparent that he was a jackass.
- Leela: Fry, this stuff was garbage when it was new. Let's blow it up already.
- Fry: This junk isn't garbage! I can dig in any random pile and find something great.
- [He dives into a pile, comes up chocking from a six-pack ring around his neck; Leela cuts it with a knife]
- Fry: All right, let's get to work.
- Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: I hope this is not another scientific hoax, like global warming or second-hand smoke.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Now, now. There'll be plenty of time to discuss your objections when and if you return.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: A hundred years ago, he was my most promising student at Mars University. But then, after one fateful pop quiz...
- [flashback]
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: A-minus? No one gives Ogden Wernstrom an A-minus!
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: I'm sorry, but penmanship counts.
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: I swear I'll have my revenge, even if it takes me a hundred years!
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [back to present] And here it is, slightly over 99 years later, and still no revenge. I'm essentially in the clear.
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: And what will you be presenting this evening, professor?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Let's just say it'll put you young whippersnappers in your place.
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: I just hope it's not that lame death clock you presented last year.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Uh... last year, you say?
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: That's right.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, my. Did it put you young whippersnappers in your place?
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: Hardly. We all laughed so hard our teeth fell out. Come along, Cinnamon.
- [Wernstrom leaves with his fish]
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, dear. I'll have to invent something new in the next ten minutes. Perhaps some sort of death clock.
- Fry: No, Professor, don't give up. There were plenty of times in my century when I was going to give up, but I never did, never. Hey, are you even listening to me? Oh, I give up.
- Professor Ogden Wernstrom: That's smell could be anything! A faulty stench coil, some cheese on the lens... who knows?
- Mayor C. Randall Poopenmayer: And, Fry, we owe you a tremendous debt as well. If not for your 20th century garbage-making skills, we'd all be buried under 20th century garbage.
- Fry: Look at that! A Mr. Spock collectors plate and, woah! a Bart Simpson Doll!
- Bartholemew Jo-Jo 'Bart' Simpson Doll: Eat my shorts!
- Bender: OK! Mmmmmm, shorts.