Futurama (TV Series)

A Clone of My Own (2000)

John DiMaggio: Bender, Translator Machine, Elzar, Robot Guards

Photos 

Quotes 

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [on a holographic message]  I know you're all very upset, especially Bender.

  Bender : Well, life goes on... except for you. Ha ha ha ha!

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : I'm sure that Bender has just made a cutting remark. But he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.

  Bender : You bastard!

• Bender : Where would the professor be without students who love and respect him? Right there! Ha ha ha ha!

• Robot Doorman #1 : Halt! Identify this guest.

  Leela : This is Hubert Farnsworth. He escaped.

  Robot Doorman #1 : Escaped? No one escapes!

  Robot Doorman #2 : This guest does not look 160-years old.

  Fry : What? I'm old. Listen. Hey, you kids! Get off my lawn!

  Robot Doorman #1 : Hmm, it is true old people are often concerned that there are children in their lawn.

  Robot Doorman #2 : There is no denying that, but we'll still need to verify his identity with a DNA sample.

  Bender : [presents the guard with a large jar of blood]  Got a hot, steaming batch right here.

  Robot Doorman #2 : We only needed one cell.

  Bender : Ah, keep the change, buddy.

• [trying to wake up an unconscious professor Farnsworth] 

  Leela : Try shocking him.

  Bender : Your social security check's bounced. Stuff cost more than it used to. Young people use curse words.

  Fry : Damn it.

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship at all. The ship stays where it is, and the engines move the universe around it.

  Bender : That's a complete load!

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : Nothing's a complete load! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [Professor Farnsworth is showing Cubert, his clone, some of his inventions]  And this is my Universal Translator. Unfortunately, so far it only translates into an incomprehensible dead language.

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : [into the translator's microphone]  Hello.

  Translator Machine : Bonjour!

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Crazy gibberish!

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : We'll never find this place. Robots are very good at keeping secrets.

  Bender : No, we're not, you little bedwetter. Oops! I'm sorry.

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : What a pleasure it is to see my lifetime of accomplishment summed up in a three-minute film. My best years are behind me. So much left undone. So little time.

  [sits down, depressed] 

  Bender : [clapping]  Funny, funny stuff.

• Robot Guards : Seize them! Seize them! Seize them!

  Guard : Get them! I mean, seize them!

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : And why do we need a bending robot around here, anyway? What possible use do we have for you?

  Bender : Uh, me no speak-a the English.

• Bender : Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's Elzar, the TV chef! Oh, kill me now, people!

  Elzar : How are we doing here?

  Bender : Oh, Elzar, everything is so good!

  Elzar : What are you, an ass-kissing machine?

  Bender : Yes, sir! Good one, sir!

• Bender : They say you can judge a man by the company he keeps. So here is the professor's oldest friend, a grotesque, stinking lobster.

• Bender : How 'bout a few words, Professor?

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Huh, wha... er...?

  Bender : I said words.

• Bender : And now, a man who needs no introduction.

  [Sits down; nothing happens] 

  Bender : Fry, get up there!

• Fry : Man, the professor has been in his lab for days.

  Bender : I hope he didn't die. Unless he left a note naming me his successor, then I hope he did die.

• Bender : Impending para un bending!

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : [Professor Farnsworth is showing Cubert, his clone, some of his inventions]  This is my Universal Translator. It could have been my greatest invention, but it translates everything into an incomprehensible dead language

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : [into the translator's microphone]  Hello.

  Universal Translator : Bonjour!

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : See? Lousy gibberish!

• Cubert J. Farnsworth : I understand how the engines work now. It came to me in a dream. The engines don't move the ship across the universe. The ship stays in place and the engines move the universe around it.

  Bender : That's a complete load!

  Cubert J. Farnsworth : Nothing's a complete load! Not if you can imagine it. That's what being a scientist is all about.

• Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Good news, everyone. Tomorrow, you'll all be making a delivery to Ebola 9, the virus planet.

  Hermes : Why can't they go today?

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Because tonight's a special night and I want you all to be alive. It's the Academy of Inventors annual symposium.

  Fry : Wow, I love symposia!

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : It's the scientific event of the season. Every member presents an invention. The best one wins the Academy prize.

  Bender : Sounds boring.

  Professor Hubert Farnsworth : Oh my, yes.