Futurama (TV Series)

I Dated a Robot (2001)

David Herman: Clyde Smith, Trek Fan #2, Nappster Salesman, Nappster Owner

Quotes 

• Trek Fan #1 : No way! Kirk could kick Picard's ass!

  Trek Fan #2 : Yeah? At least Picard had the guts to admit he was bald!

  Trek Fan #1 : What? You take that back!

• Narrator : You are entering the realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter... The Scary Door. Please send a man round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

  Clyde Smith : [Smith is run over by a car, then awakes in a casino. He plays the slot machine and wins]  Ha-ha-ha! A casino where I'm winning? That car must've killed me. I must be in heaven!

  [wins again] 

  Clyde Smith : A casino where I always win. That's boring. I must really be... in Hell!

  Sebastian Cabot : No, Mr. Smith. You are not in heaven or hell. You are on an airplane!

  [unrolls the curtains, revealing the airplane windows. A creature sits on the wing of the plane, ripping wires out of it] 

  Clyde Smith : There's a gremlin destroying the plane. You gotta believe me!

  Sebastian Cabot : Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!

  [pulls out a mirror. Clyde's reflection indeed looks like Hitler] 

  Clyde Smith : No!

  [turns to a woman sitting next to him] 

  Clyde Smith : Eva Braun! Help me!

  [the woman pulls off a mask, revealing the head of a fly] 

  Clyde Smith : Aah!

  Bender : Eh, saw it coming.

• Nappster Salesman : Welcome to Nappster. Let's see what celebrities we've got in stock. May I interest you in Gwyneth Paltrow?

  Fry : No, I read in Newsweek that she drinks human blood.

  Nappster Salesman : Then, uh, how about Cleopatra, whose beauty destroyed mighty empires?

  Fry : I'd prefer someone from the era of shaved armpits. Do you have anything with more of a Lucy Liu feel to it?

  Nappster Salesman : Nah, nothing like that, though we do have Lucy Liu. Only woman ever to be named People magazine's Sexiest Woman of the Year twice, in 2003 and again in 2063.

  Fry : I'd like the 2003 model, please.

• Bender : Who's in charge of this dump?

  Nappster Owner : That'd be me. If you're an investor, you can dump your money in the hole there.

  Bender : Listen, you fat internet nerd!

  Nappster Owner : Listening.

  Bender : Your company promotes wrong love. If you don't shut down right now, the only thing wired about you will be your jaw!

  Nappster Owner : You can't shut us down. The internet is about the free exchange and sale of other people's ideas. We've done nothing wrong.

• Narrator : You are entering the realm which is unusual. Maybe it's magic or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter... The Scary Door. Please send a man 'round back and pick up Clyde Smith, a professional gambler who's about to have an unfortunate accident.

  Clyde Smith : [Smith is run over by a car, then awakes in a casino. He plays the slot machine and wins]  Ha-ha-ha! A casino where I'm winning? That car must've killed me. I must be in heaven!

  [wins again] 

  Clyde Smith : A casino where I always win. That's boring. I must really be... in HELL!

  Sebastian Cabot : No, Mr. Smith. You are not in heaven or hell. You are on an airplane!

  [unrolls the curtains, revealing the airplane windows. A creature sits on the wing of the plane, ripping wires out of it] 

  Clyde Smith : There's a gremlin destroying the plane. You gotta believe me!

  Sebastian Cabot : Why should I believe you? You're Hitler!

  [Pulls out a mirror. Clyde's reflection indeed looks like Hitler] 

  Clyde Smith : No!

  [turns to a woman sitting next to him] 

  Clyde Smith : Eva Braun! Help me!

  [the woman pulls off a mask, revealing the head of a fly] 

  Clyde Smith : A-a-ah!

  Bender : Saw it coming.