- Bender: Ooh, a case of strawberry champagne. Don't mind if I do.
- Electronic Mother's Day Card: No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate of the human bourgeoisie.
- Bender: Say what?
- Electronic Mother's Day Card: In the glorious worker robot paradise, there will be no liquor. Only efficient synthetic fuels.
- Bender: No liquor? Do svidanya, comrade.
- [tears up electronic card]
- Electronic Mother's Day Card: Come, Comrade Bender, we must take to the streets.
- Bender: Umm, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets?
- Electronic Mother's Day Card: No, the kind with looting. And maybe starting a few fires.
- Bender: Yes! In your face, Gandhi!
- Mom: You broke my heart, Hubert.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: And you broke mine. Granted, that was four or five hearts ago.
- [Fry can't reach the ceiling fan who stays out of reach]
- Ceiling Fan: Hahahahaha, fan beats man.
- Amy Wong: But the professor can't walk all the way to the Bronx. How are we going to get there without a hovercar?
- Philip J. Fry: Wait. In my time we had a way of moving objects long distances without hovering.
- Hermes Conrad: Impossible!
- Philip J. Fry: It was called... let me think... It was really famous. Ruth Gordon had one... The wheel.
- Turanga Leela: Never heard of it.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Show us this "the wheel."
- Philip J. Fry: What happens if the fire goes out?
- Hermes Conrad: We'll go across the street to Pottery Barn and steal their fire.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: We can use my new invention. A pointy rock tied to a stick.
- Philip J. Fry: You mean you and mom...
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so.
- [everyone gasps in disgust]
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: It's a humiliating story that I hoped never to tell. Well, pull up a chair.
- Mom: What have you been up to all these years?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, inventing, sending delivery crews to their doom, breeding atomic monsters.
- Mom: Honestly, Hubert. You and your atomic monsters.
- Bender: Come look, everyone. I got the dearest presents for Mommy.
- Turanga Leela: Very nice. Where did you steal them from?
- Bender: I didn't steal them, I bought them.
- [everyone gasps]
- Bender: I love her that much.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Just the thought of caressing that leathery hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet.
- Philip J. Fry: Professor, please. The fate of the world depends on you getting to second base with Mom.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Very well. If cop a feel I must, then cop a feel I shall.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: And now I want to shout our love from the rooftops. Perhaps I'll breed some sort of albino shouting gorilla...
- Mom: Darling Hubie, I should never have tried to tamper with that cute Q.T. McWhiskers.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: No, it was silly of me to object. One foot tall, Eight-feet, fifteen-feet, what does it matter?
- Mom: You should see the new sixteen-foot models.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Sixteen feet? Go to hell! I was a fool to think you'd changed!
- Mom: Filthy toothless nerd bastard!
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Damnded she-fossil!
- Mom: STINKPIG!
- [Mom and Professor Farnsworth passionately kiss]
- Electronic Mother's Day Card: The bourgeouise human is a virus on the hard drive of the working robot.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Good news, Mom. I've invented a new childrens toy. I call it Q.T. McWhiskers. When you pet it, it shoots rainbows from its eyes.
- Mom: Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them eight feet tall and replace the rainbows with neutron lasers. We'll make billions on the intergalactic arms market.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: But things eight-feet tall aren't cute. That's why my Colossal Tammy Tinkle doll was such a failure.
- Philip J. Fry: Hey, who's this guy?
- Robot Janitor: I'm the janitor. Tryin' to take a nap, here.
- Philip J. Fry: I'm sorry, I thought you were made of wax.
- Robot Janitor: I *am* made of wax, what's it to you?
- Philip J. Fry: I mean, I thought you were one of the wax robots.
- Robot Janitor: Is there some reason a robot made of wax can't take a nap standing up in the middle of a bunch of wax robots? Or does that *confuse* you?