- [Fry is with Bender in a suicide booth, thinking it's a telephone booth]
- Suicide Booth Recording: Please select mode of death. Quick and painless, or slow and horrible.
- Fry: Yes, I'd like to make a collect call.
- Suicide Booth Recording: You have selected slow and horrible.
- Bender: Good choice.
- [to Fry, just after he arrives in the year 2999]
- Leela: Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now strip naked and get on the probulator.
- [after escaping a suicide booth, Fry and Bender are in a bar, Bender is telling Fry about his life]
- Bender: I'm a bender. I bend girders, that's all I'm programmed to do.
- Fry: Were you any good?
- Bender: Are you kidding? I was a star. I could bend a girder to any angle. 30 degrees, 32 degrees, you name it. 31... But I couldn't go on living once I found out what the girders were for.
- Fry: What for?
- Bender: Suicide booths.
- [Fry and Leela meet]
- Fry: Can I ask you a question?
- Leela: As long as it's not about my eye.
- Fry: Uhh...
- Leela: Is it about my eye?
- Fry: Sort of.
- Leela: [sighs] Just ask the question.
- Fry: What's with the eye?
- Leela: I'm an alien.
- Fry: [excited] Cool, an alien. Has your race taken over the Earth?
- Leela: No, I just work here.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Would you three by chance be interested in joining my new spaceship crew?
- Bender: New crew? Well, what happened to the old crew?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh, those poor sons of bi... But that's not important.
- [first lines]
- Fry: [offscreen] Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.
- Suicide Booth Recording: You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop and Drop, America's favorite Suicide Booth since 2008.
- Leela: He's just a nobody who doesn't want to be a delivery boy. I'd rather not force it on him.
- Ipgee: Well, too bad, because it's your job, whether you like it or not. And it's my job to make you do your job, whether I like it or not. Which I do. Very much. Now get back to work!
- [Leela leaves grumbling]
- Ipgee: Life is good.
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: [after taking a DNA test with Fry] By God I am your nephew! This is absolutely incredible!
- Bender: Can we have some money, now?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Oh my no.
- [Fry drops Nixon, spilling his head on the floor]
- Richard Nixon's Head: [angry] That's it. You just made my list.
- Fry: Look, I don't understand this world, but you obviously do, so I give up. If you really think I should be a delivery boy, then I will.
- [he holds out his hand for Leela to implant the occupation chip; instead, she removes hers]
- Fry: Your chip. What are you doing?
- Leela: Quitting.
- Fry: Why?
- Leela: Because I've always wanted to. I just never realized it until I met you.
- Fry: Wait a second. You're a bender, right. We could escape if you would just bend the bars.
- Bender: Dream on, skintube! I'm only programmed to bend for constructive purposes. What do I look like, a debender?
- Fry: Who cares what you're programmed to do? If someone programmed you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?
- Bender: I'll have to check my program.
- [pause]
- Bender: Yep.
- Fry: Are we going to fly all over space, fighting monsters and teaching alien women how to love?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: If by that you mean delivering cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research.
- Fry: Cool. What's my job gonna be?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: You're gonna make sure the cargo reaches its destination.
- Fry: So, I'm a delivery boy?
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Exactly.
- Fry: All right! I'm a delivery boy!
- Leonard Nimoy: Welcome to the Head Museum. I'm Leonard Nimoy.
- Fry: Spock? Hey, do the thing!
- [does Vulcan salute]
- Leonard Nimoy: I don't do that anymore.
- Fry: This is unbelievable! What do you heads do all day?
- Leonard Nimoy: We share our wisdom with those who seek it. It's a life of quiet dignity.
- Caretaker: Feeding time!
- [Caretaker drops food flakes on jar; Nimoy nibbles at them like a goldfish]
- Bender: Well, it was nice meeting you Fry. I'm gonna go kill myself.
- Fry: Wait, you're the only friend I have!
- Bender: You really want a robot for a friend?
- Fry: Yeah, ever since I was six.
- Bender: Well, all right, but I don't want anybody thinking we're robosexuals so if anyone asks, you're my debugger.
- Fry: [Knocks on the door before opening it] Hello? Hello? Pizza delivery for um... I.C. Wiener? Aww crud. I would have thought that at this point in my life I would be the one making the prank phone calls.
- Fry: What if I don't wanna be a delivery boy?
- Turanga Leela: Then you'll be fired.
- Fry: Fine.
- Turanga Leela: Out of a cannon, into the sun.