- George Lopez: Mom, are you pregnant?
- Benny: Screw you! The one day I go out without my control top and I gotta get lip from my kid.
- George Lopez: [holding pregnancy test] Well if it's not you, then...
- Benny: Oh look at that, the magic wand that makes men disappear.
- George Lopez: Ernie's going to be a dad.
- Angie Lopez: Maybe.
- George Lopez: Maybe? But you said the test was positive.
- Angie Lopez: The test was, but Tammy isn't. There were, a few other guys right before Ernie.
- Benny: And Ernie was the prize? What kind of sideshow is going on in her bedroom?
- George Lopez: Carmen, how can it take you an hour to do your makeup?
- Carmen Lopez: Half of my genes come from you, Dad, it's not easy.