- George Lopez: [trying to outdo the dentist's story of surviving a rough childhood] Oh yeah? Well my neighbor touched me inappropriately, in my no-nos.
- Angie Lopez: That never happened.
- George Lopez: [to Angie] Quiet, I'm in it to win it.
- Ernie: The Powers Brothers are too cheap to pay for anything. They won't pay for my fiancee's rehab, I can't get paternal leave because her kid's not mine, and I can't legally adopt him because I'm not married to his mom.
- George Lopez: I think we know how this story ends, don't we, Mom?
- George Lopez, Benny: [chanting] Jerry! Jerry!
- Ernie: Ha ha, yeah laugh it up, your family's not so perfect either, with the runway daughter, the gang banger son, and GONORRHEA GRANNY! Jerry! Jerry!
- George Lopez: Don't make fun of your brother's braces, you're just jealous we can fix his teeth but we can't fix your legs.
- Carmen Lopez: What's wrong with my legs?
- George Lopez: Nothing if they came with biscuits and cole slaw, buck buck!