- Max Lopez: My stomach hurts.
- Angie Lopez: What did you eat?
- Max Lopez: Some mints that were in Carmen's room.
- George Lopez: Carmen!
- Carmen Lopez: What's going on?
- George Lopez: Max took some of your mints and they made him sick.
- Carmen Lopez: What mints?
- Max Lopez: The ones in the little tin in your coat pocket under the bed.
- Carmen Lopez: Oh! Those mints. They were probably just stale. How many did you take?
- Max Lopez: 5, Monday through Friday.
- George Lopez: What do you mean Monday through Friday?
- Max Lopez: They were all on a wheel. She had about a month's worth.
- Angie Lopez: You're going to be all right, Max. But all the same, I'll call the poison control center.
- Max Lopez: What's going on?
- George Lopez: You accidentally took some of your sister's birth control pills.
- Max Lopez: What's going to happen?
- George Lopez: We're going to kill Carmen, and if you're anything like your mother, you'll experience some tenderness around your breasts.
- Carmen Lopez: I know why the caged bird sings!
- [walks away]
- George Lopez: [to Carmen] Well, you're crazy if you think we're getting you a sweater and a bird!
- Benny: I didn't want to say anything in front of Carmen, but you can't stop her. When I was sixteen, my dad said he would kill me, and I believed it. And I still did it.
- George Lopez: Yeah, well Carmen's not you. She's not willing to do anything for a cheeseburger and a ride home.
- Benny: It was raining and it was chicken nuggets. This is how rumors start!
- George Lopez: [to Vic] When Angie was sixteen, did you give her the Pill?
- Vic: No, I gave it to her sister, Gloria.
- Angie Lopez: Why did you give them to Gloria but not to me?
- Vic: Because when I said that sex was a serious matter that only had importance in the relationship between 2 loving consenting adults, you listened. Your sister didn't.