Get Smart (TV Series)
All in the Mind (1966)
Don Adams: Maxwell Smart
Photos
Quotes
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Maxwell Smart : Are you a psychologist, Dr. Stueben?
Stueben : I'm the president of the psychologist society for mental health and adjustment through fulfillment.
Maxwell Smart : What kind of an organization is that?
Stueben : We're a hate group.
Maxwell Smart : A hate group?
Stueben : Oh, in the sense that we cure hate and fear. We hate hate. Hate it.
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Maxwell Smart : [86 and 99 are trapped in a phonebooth that is filling up with water] 99, do you have change? All I have is a quarter.
# 99 : Oh Max, use the quarter!
Maxwell Smart : Use a quarter for a ten cent phonecall? 99, if you throw your money around like that, you'll have nothing left for a rainy day.
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Maxwell Smart : And so it must always end... for those who use the human brain for evil... instead of friendliness.
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Maxwell Smart : Hello, operator? Now listen to me and listen carefully... I want you to get me a special Washington phone number. This is a top secret number. Only a few people know it. I want you to forget it the minute that I tell it to you. The number is 628-3097.
Telephone Operator : Oh, you want CONTROL. One moment, please.
Chief : Hello?
Maxwell Smart : Hello, Chief? Uh, this is Max. Uh, listen, Chief, you want to hear something funny? I'm drowning in a phone booth.
Chief : Drowning in a phone booth?
Maxwell Smart : Yes, Chief. You see, what I told you about Mrs. Sloan, that was right. She didn't... she didn't drown in the river.
# 99 : Max, please tell him where we are.
Maxwell Smart : Oh, right, 99. Uh, Chief, I think we're gonna need... I think we're gonna need help in a hurry.
Chief : Where are you, Max?
Maxwell Smart : Uh...
[the call is cut off]
Telephone Operator : I'm sorry, your time is up. Insert ten cents more, please.
Maxwell Smart : But operator, I don't have any more change, and this is a matter of life and death.
Telephone Operator : That's what they all say, sir.
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Chief : Max, be reasonable. How could a girl drown in a phone booth?
Maxwell Smart : How do I know? Maybe she couldn't swim.
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Stueben : I'm going to say a word, and then you respond with the first word that comes into your mind. Are you readdy?
[Max nods]
Stueben : Boy.
Maxwell Smart : Girl.
Stueben : Black.
Maxwell Smart : White.
Stueben : Win.
Maxwell Smart : Lose.
Stueben : Very good.
Maxwell Smart : Very bad.
Stueben : Stop!
Maxwell Smart : Go.
Stueben : No, no!
Maxwell Smart : Yes, yes.
Stueben : [Steuben puts his hands over Max' mouth to shut him up] All right?
Maxwell Smart : [Steuben releases Max and goes back to sit behind his desk] All wrong.
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# 99 : [trapped in a flooding phone booth] Max, the water is rising. What are we going to do?
Maxwell Smart : Take big swallows.
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Dr. Braam : Now Colonel, this is probably the first time you ever had a psychiatric examination, right?
Maxwell Smart : Wrong.
Dr. Braam : Wrong?
Maxwell Smart : Right.
Dr. Braam : Right?
Maxwell Smart : Left.
Dr. Braam : Please...
Maxwell Smart : Thank you.