Get Smart (TV Series)

Strike While the Agent Is Hot (1966)

Don Adams: Maxwell Smart

Photos 

Quotes 

• Maxwell Smart : Now, here's a point that all the men are very, very interested in: for example. If we're captured by enemy agents and taken to a foreign country, why can't we come back tourist class instead of having to stow away?

• Chief : 'The little red tractor that huffed and puffed'.

  Agent 99 : Must be some kind of code, Chief.

  Chief : That's possible, 99

  Maxwell Smart : [slaps the table]  That's it, Chief.

  Chief : That's what?

  Maxwell Smart : Red means communist. Tractor means farmer. Huff and puff means tired.

  [sits back with a smug look on his face] 

  Chief : What's that supposed to mean?

  Maxwell Smart : I don't know. Find a tired communist farmer and ask him.

• KAOS Agent #2 : Where did you shoot me?

  Maxwell Smart : Left chest.

  KAOS Agent #2 : Ah! Good!

  Maxwell Smart : Good?

  KAOS Agent #2 : As a KAOS agent, I get double indemnity for getting shot above the waist.

  Maxwell Smart : Double indemnity for being shot only once?

  KAOS Agent #2 : Not only that, if I'm shot and I don't die instantly my family gets an additional 25 per cent for suffering...

  Maxwell Smart : Unbelievable.

  KAOS Agent #2 : And if I survive my wounds, I get a guaranteed six weeks convalescence leave with pay.

  Maxwell Smart : With pay? You gotta be putting me on.

  KAOS Agent #2 : Not only that, we get to stay free in any resort on our KAOS credit card, American plan. Three superb meals a day. Tennis, golf, bingo parties, dance lessons and... free... funerals.

  [finally succumbs to his wounds] 

  Maxwell Smart : Lucky devil. Bingo parties? I didn't know KAOS was religious?

• Maxwell Smart : How do you like that? The old secret panel in the bookcase trick. How corny can you get?

  KAOS Agent #1 : It fooled you, didn't it?

  Maxwell Smart : Just barely.

• Chief : Max, that's good shooting.

  Maxwell Smart : I know Chief, I got him right in the fiction section.