The Golden Girls (TV Series)
Blanche Delivers (1990)
Bea Arthur: Dorothy Zbornak
Photos
Quotes
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Blanche Devereaux : [to Rose] I think it's wonderful that you're taking part in a Senior Sports Classic. You know, I might try entering it myself, in 15 years when I'm eligible. If I can come up with an event.
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : The luge is the only one where you get to lie on your back.
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Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : [In response to Sophia making jokes about her birth] Ma, you know you're really hurting my feelings.
Sophia Petrillo : Not as much as you hurt my oonie.
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : MA!
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Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Rose, listen! You don't have to do anything to please your parents!
Sophia Petrillo : She's right. I'd like to be proud of Dorothy for something but I'm not going to kill myself if that day never comes.
Rose Nylund : But my parents called me Twinkletoes.
Sophia Petrillo : I called Dorothy Bigfoot. That doesn't mean she has to make tracks all over the Northwest.
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : What Ma is trying to say is that she loves me for what I am.
Sophia Petrillo : That's right. An over-the-hill schoolteacher who has to wait for the phone to ring to know if she's going to work that day.
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Oh. It doesn't matter what your parents want. Rose, you're never going to make them happy. They're just going to nag you and nag you and nag you until you want to grab their throats and choke them but you don't because you're in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!
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Rose Nylund : Am I crazy or did I hear screaming?
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Yes and yes.
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Tamara : [a woman is crying out, giving birth] Sounds like there's a mommy in the making!
Rose Nylund : Sounds like there's a mommy on fire!
Tamara : I'll be right back.
Blanche Devereaux : Oh good, we can sneak out.
Rebecca Devereaux : Mother!
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Becky, I have to admit everything is well coordinated here. But honey, wouldn't you be happier in a place where there's less stereo and more...
[another scream]
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : morphine?
Rebecca Devereaux : I'm just looking into alternatives. You know, hospitals have a rigid way of doing things.
[another cry]
Rebecca Devereaux : Why is she screaming?
Sophia Petrillo : She's conscious!
Rebecca Devereaux : [another cry] I just want this to be an experience I'll never forget.
[sudden horrific scream]
Tamara : You're in luck. You're about to see one of our deliveries.
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : We don't need the whole tour.
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Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Mornin', Ma. How ya feelin'?
Sophia Petrillo : I'm not sure. What did we have for dinner last night?
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Mexican.
Sophia Petrillo : Oh, then I'm OK.
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Tamara : [on a tour of the birthing center] We have a lot of features here to create the right environment for both you and baby. That's why we have music piped into every room.
Rebecca Devereaux : So, uh, Mama, what do you think?
Blanche Devereaux : I think it would cost less to squat in a Laura Ashley showroom.
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Look, I hate to be an alarmist, but what if the baby or the mother needs more than Muzak and throw pillows?
Tamara : You're a meat eater, aren't you!
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Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Becky. Is something wrong? What's the matter?
Rebecca Devereaux : I was just wondering what being in labour feels like.
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : How do you feel right now?
Rebecca Devereaux : If I had any military secrets, I'd talk.
Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak : Showtime.