- Blanche Devereaux: [to Rose] I think it's wonderful that you're taking part in a Senior Sports Classic. You know, I might try entering it myself, in 15 years when I'm eligible. If I can come up with an event.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: The luge is the only one where you get to lie on your back.
- Blanche Devereaux: First Becky conceives in a clinic, now she wants to deliver in a bedroom. She's got the whole thing backwards.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: [In response to Sophia making jokes about her birth] Ma, you know you're really hurting my feelings.
- Sophia Petrillo: Not as much as you hurt my oonie.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: MA!
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Rose, listen! You don't have to do anything to please your parents!
- Sophia Petrillo: She's right. I'd like to be proud of Dorothy for something but I'm not going to kill myself if that day never comes.
- Rose Nylund: But my parents called me Twinkletoes.
- Sophia Petrillo: I called Dorothy Bigfoot. That doesn't mean she has to make tracks all over the Northwest.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: What Ma is trying to say is that she loves me for what I am.
- Sophia Petrillo: That's right. An over-the-hill schoolteacher who has to wait for the phone to ring to know if she's going to work that day.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Oh. It doesn't matter what your parents want. Rose, you're never going to make them happy. They're just going to nag you and nag you and nag you until you want to grab their throats and choke them but you don't because you're in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!
- Sophia Petrillo: [to Rose, who's dragging her feet on the floor] Rose, don't make fun of old people.
- Rose Nylund: I'm wearing weights to strengthen my ankles.
- Sophia Petrillo: Do they come in headbands?
- Tamara: [a woman is crying out, giving birth] Sounds like there's a mommy in the making!
- Rose Nylund: Sounds like there's a mommy on fire!
- Tamara: I'll be right back.
- Blanche Devereaux: Oh good, we can sneak out.
- Rebecca Devereaux: Mother!
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Becky, I have to admit everything is well coordinated here. But honey, wouldn't you be happier in a place where there's less stereo and more...
- [another scream]
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: morphine?
- Rebecca Devereaux: I'm just looking into alternatives. You know, hospitals have a rigid way of doing things.
- [another cry]
- Rebecca Devereaux: Why is she screaming?
- Sophia Petrillo: She's conscious!
- Rebecca Devereaux: [another cry] I just want this to be an experience I'll never forget.
- [sudden horrific scream]
- Tamara: You're in luck. You're about to see one of our deliveries.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: We don't need the whole tour.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Mornin', Ma. How ya feelin'?
- Sophia Petrillo: I'm not sure. What did we have for dinner last night?
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Mexican.
- Sophia Petrillo: Oh, then I'm OK.
- Rebecca Devereaux: I'm not havin' my baby in a hospital. I'm goin' to a birthing center. They emphasize natural childbirth, in a relaxed atmosphere, with no painkillers.
- Blanche Devereaux: Becky, I know I told you where babies come from. Did I ever mention where they come out?
- Tamara: [on a tour of the birthing center] We have a lot of features here to create the right environment for both you and baby. That's why we have music piped into every room.
- Rebecca Devereaux: So, uh, Mama, what do you think?
- Blanche Devereaux: I think it would cost less to squat in a Laura Ashley showroom.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Look, I hate to be an alarmist, but what if the baby or the mother needs more than Muzak and throw pillows?
- Tamara: You're a meat eater, aren't you!
- Blanche Devereaux: [witnessing the birth of her first grandchild] Oh! Will you look at him!
- Doctor: Mrs. Devereaux, that's the umbilical cord!
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Becky. Is something wrong? What's the matter?
- Rebecca Devereaux: I was just wondering what being in labour feels like.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: How do you feel right now?
- Rebecca Devereaux: If I had any military secrets, I'd talk.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Showtime.
- Blanche Devereaux: [visiting a birthing center] Oh, this is all wrong! What kind of dope would want to have a baby here?
- Rose Nylund: [walking into the room] This place makes me want to run out and get pregnant!