- Blanche Devereaux: [to Rose] Just shut up you bleached blonde bubble-headed...
- Sophia Petrillo: Baboon.
- Blanche Devereaux: Baboon!
- [storms out, Dorothy and Rose look at Sophia]
- Sophia Petrillo: She needed a B!
- John: It was an enchanting evening, Dorothy.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Some Enchanted Evening. That was the theme of the prom that we never got to.
- John: A little more romantic than the theme they had tonight.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: "Wear a Condom" is more than a prom theme. It's sort of become the school slogan.
- John: It's catchy.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Oh God, I wish Stan had gone to that school.
- Rose Nylund: Can I have those gummy bears?
- Blanche Devereaux: They are good, aren't they?
- Rose Nylund: Oh I don't eat them.
- Sophia Petrillo: Then why do you want them?
- Rose Nylund: To play army! And sometimes, I line them up around my bed and pretend I'm Gulliver.
- Rose Nylund: I never went to the St. Olaf junior prom.
- Sophia Petrillo: How come?
- Rose Nylund: It was only for people named Junior.
- Sophia Petrillo: [to Blanche] The last time you went on a diet you turned into that guy from 'Silence of the Lambs', you did everything but butter my face.
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: Ma, I'm going to ask you something and no matter how you answer, I'll know it's true. Did you tell John to go away the night of my prom because you didn't like the way he was dressed?
- Sophia Petrillo: Well...
- Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak: LIAR!