Koko Karl: [From inside a high security cell] Well, well, well. Look what the cat drug in.
Host: Hello, Koko.
Koko Karl: To what do I owe the honor? Do tell.
Koko Karl: [Alton holds up a Captain Power Protein Puck] Hmmm. How nice. You brought Karl a goodie. Hmmm, a Captain Power Protein Puck, no less.
Host: You know, Karl, I never would have figured you for health food.
Koko Karl: [amused] Healthy? Maybe for the Captain's bank account.
Host: What do you mean?
Koko Karl: No no. That won't do. Quid pro quo, my dear AB.
Host: All right. Quid pro quo the wrapper.
[passes the wrapper through the air hole]
Koko Karl: [takes the wrapper and smells it] Mmmm, yes. A few of my favorite things.
[smells again]
Koko Karl: High fructose corn syrup. Oh, lots and lots of sodium, and
[smells again]
Koko Karl: oh, oh, lovely
[smells again, with more passion]
Koko Karl: , luscious, palm kernel oil.
Host: What's the big deal with palm oil?
Koko Karl: It's the only fully saturated fat that stays liquid at room temperature!
Host: That means that products that contain it can remain moist and unctuous, and still have the shelf life of uranium.
Koko Karl: [condescendingly] Nice. It can learn.
Host: You know, saturated fats are bad for you.
[holds up the Power Puck]
Koko Karl: [drops the wrapper and eyes the Power Puck longingly] Only if you eat them.
Host: Well, at least this one's packed full of protein
[passes the Power Puck through the air hole]
Koko Karl: [sucks on one end of it] That's because it's been hydrolyzed.
Host: What do you mean?
Koko Karl: Extracted from cow hooves and skins
[makes sucking sounds]
Host: Guess that's your way of saying it's low quality, then?
Koko Karl: Like eating glue, only tastier.
[speaks lovingly to the Power Puck]
Koko Karl: Ohh, Captain, you're a bad boy, yes you are. You're a ba...
[begins to eat the bar somewhat ravenously]
Koko Karl: Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to enjoy my sugar rush in private.
[laughs maniacally]