- Felon: [Henry has brought a stray dog into the precinct] Sir, sir, I love dogs and I could really help you out. For instance, I could take him for a walk, right away if you'd like.
- [a female officer closes the cell door and locks him in]
- Officer Leo Schnitz: Very creative, Seymour.
- Officer Harris: [Harris and Fuentes have been beaten up and their guns were stolen] What if one of those guns kills a cop?
- Capt. Frank Furillo: Harris, there are enough guns out there to kill every one of us a dozen times over. I don't give a rat's bladder about your guns!
- Capt. Frank Furillo: [finding out two new cops got jumped and their guns stolen and are planning to return with baseball bats] Gentlemen, I've been a cop for 17 years, and I've been to my share of 'softball games', so why don't we stop trying to kid a kidder?