Home Improvement (TV Series)

Ploys for Tots (1998)

William O'Leary: Marty Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marty Taylor : I happen to want my kids to like me.

  Tim : You're their father, not their friend. You can't let them manipulate you like this.

  [dog toy squeaks] 

  Marty Taylor : Well, excuse me, but I happen to think

  [dog toy squeaks] 

  Marty Taylor : that you're the one who's being manipulated.

  Tim : What's that supposed to mean?

  Marty Taylor : Oh, come on. Your wife sent you down here to bite my head off

  [dog toy squeaking] 

  Marty Taylor : about something that you don't even believe.

  Tim : If you think for one minute I came down here 'cause of Jill, you're dead wrong. I'm my own man. I do my own bidding.

  Marty Taylor : Yeah? Well, I'm my own man

  [dog toy squeaks] 

  Marty Taylor : and I don't happen to agree with what your wife sent you down here to tell me.

  Tim : If you weren't such a thickhead, you'd realize she made a good point.

  [dog toy squeaks] 

  Tim : You know what else? This is a really annoying job.

• Marty Taylor : Jill, the girls' birthday cake is great. What's your secret?

  Jill : Gretchen's Bakery. It's that place with the flashing neon lederhosen.

  Tim : You know, I always thought Gretchen was selling something else there.

• Brad Taylor : Hey, Uncle Marty, my dad says you have a job in canine nutrition.

  Marty Taylor : I stack kibble at a dog-food warehouse.

• Claire Taylor : Daddy! Daddy!

  [runs over to Marty] 

  Marty Taylor : Claire, honey. What's wrong? Come here.

  Claire Taylor : Aunt Jill's being mean to me.

  Marty Taylor : Oh, sweetie, it's okay. What's going on?

  Tim : She wanted to ride her bike around the house and, uh... and Jill didn't think it was a good idea.

• Jill : [about Claire]  Marty, you're setting up a behavioral pattern where you give in to her every time she acts out.

  Marty Taylor : Oh, spare me the psychobabble. I know how to handle my kids.

  Jill : If you knew how to handle your kids, they'd know how to behave in our home.

  Tim : You know, ice cream is starting to sound real good right now.

  Jill : Look, Claire and Gracie need the security of knowing that there is a grown-up in control.

  Marty Taylor : That's okay. Just don't tell me how to raise my kids.

  Tim : How about Rocky Road?

• Tim : Look, I know your kids are having a tough time with the separation, but you're letting them get away with murder, Marty.

  Marty Taylor : Hey, you're the one that told them they could ride their bikes around the house.

  Tim : That's because Claire pouted, I gave in, but you give in every time she snaps her fingers.